joujoujolliejunket

This is where I am

2008-05-08T06:58:00.000-07:00

Hi
Just saying hello
been taking some time off from here
Theres been lots to write about
Just not so compelled to post it here
and some time off from my bloggity blawg
Not sure how I feel about joujoujolliejunket right now
Not feeling as private as I need it to be for the next stage of my life
Feeling complete with it all really
And then when I went back and read that indeed it was like I was "riding into the sunset"
I felt as if Wow, that was kind of a perfect closing for it
But then some dear friends reached out and said "hey where are you"
and that felt good that people still check in on me here

So, I am thinking of starting something new and exciting
If you are interested , please send me a message and I will let you know whats next
I'm not convinced of this, just flirting right now, so stay tuned
In the meantime, all is well here, and I wish the same for you dear friends

Riding off into the sunset... (literally)

2008-04-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

I finished my job yesterday
It felt as if I was breaking up with fourty families
really
It was a great gig
for that time
I am in gratitude
and ready to move on
into the next
allowing the mystery to unfold

and I know that as hard as it is it was to leave
it was time
time to ride off into the sunset
and I did this, literally
one of the first warmer nights of the season
with some breezy 70's lovey tune
rolling over the hills and onto the Kingston bridge
who's views rivals any other natural habitat
feeling utterly... serene
serene
a feeling I have not been in touch with in a long while

This winter has pushed me
it's been my marathon
and I feel as if I am only coming up for air...now
and I am certainly reaping my harvest as well
and have lots that I am enjoying and I am looking forward to a whopping ten days off
spending them getting ready for our upcoming move (again) then off for a jaunt with my sister who is flying in from Telluride for an east coast family tour

I think I was able to make some sort of impact in my work too
and it feels good to know that
and I am proud of the work these kids did on themselves
It's not easy to go into a room
with a complete stranger
at age 6, 11, 16
and tell them your deepest darkest secrets
to be able to be vulnerable enough to share
how daddy took off or how that mean person did x y and z to you
I am honored to be that person for them
and as we were wrapping up our work together
it felt good to know that they are in good places right now too
I received so much amazing support feedback from them
and from their parents
it's good to know
it means something
because it does
and I am astounded every day
at how strong and resiliant people are
we all just want to be here
really

Frolicsome

2008-03-28T11:44:00.000-07:00

I feel my boots trying to leave the ground, I feel my heart pumping hard. I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. I want to be light and frolicsome. I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing, as though I had wings. -Mary Oliver

Spring Spring Spring!

2008-03-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

Hi all! ~*
Happy Spring Equinox!

So after a long ,studious winter, I passed my Social Work Board exams yesterday with a whopping score of 83! So basically this means I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in the state of NY and can do private practice, supervision, and all that good stuff. It's the last hurdle in my long history of being a Counselor and I am thrilled, relieved, and celebrating!

I feel so good about it. I worked really really hard on this, in addition to working my butt off at my job and other projects I am working on.I appreciate the way I approached it in the end as well, very positive and calm, using all my good tricks to take care of the nerves you get when approaching something like this. It's good stuff, and I couldn't have done it without the amazing support of my incredible man. Thanks love, you are best! So yes, we are celebrating, it's been a long time coming, and I really thrilled to move on into this next cycle of our life. Colors are brighter, scents are stronger, I can read or study anything I want. I have a long list of good books waiting for me, and I can hardly wait.

I also received the good news that I will be working at a local college as a Counselor for their students. It's a really good school and its a great chance to do my work in a creative and thriving environment, and be in Higher Education which is an amazing field. I've been trying to work at a college for a few years and I finally found the right fit. They want me to start up their "Wellness" curriculum so it's a perfect opportunity to incorporate some of my holistic practices that I have been learning for many years. Yay and Yay! And I have a lot of time off in July (one of the perks for working at a college) so look out my SF peeps, I am heading your way!

So today is the first day of Spring and I wish you all the very best for what ever you are cultivating and growing in your own world.I am going out now to enjoy the blustery winds and muddy piles of snow that are slowly melting, making it's way into the green grass and flowery buds that will soon be showing...

Much love and Happy Spring!

Green Light Go

2008-03-15T20:40:00.000-07:00

This week for me is about faith
it is about destiny
and perseverance, hard work, and determination
It's believing that I know what I know
and knowing that I possess
loads and loads of support
which is the secret of my success ~*

For those of you who know me,
you know exactly what I am talking about
and for those that don't,
you hopefully will soon

I've decided this week,
my success is based on
all the spirits of those
I have been honored to work with
who have hopefully gained something from
giving themselves time to take care of themselves
and shine their light so very bright

It's about not attaching to others anxiety
and their own fear of failure
or their real fear of actually succeeding
and that's the real test,
and I feel as if
I've already passed

This week
It's about my positive attitude
and knowing I will get the questions
I will know the answers to
I will be calm and confident and in my power

And this week
is about lots and lots of prayer
so if you have a second and can spare it,
send some my way
shine on...

May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

St. Theresa's Prayer

International Women's Day!

2008-03-08T08:34:00.000-08:00

Back to Basics

2008-03-01T16:39:00.000-08:00

Browsing through the channels
after taking another
four hour test
feeling defeated
and anxious
still scoring just below
the pass rate
again

Feeling bad for myself
total Christie pity party
sinking into the couch
wondering how much more can I do?
flipping the channels
trying to escape my overwhelming
frustration
and there it is
my favorite yoga program
on Fit TV
cheezy but it's true
I like that they do Yoga in a bar...

My body has been suffering lately
all hunched over and twitchy
from driving and sitting and taking it all in
my daily walks have been thwarted
with another foot of snow

I know better
it's all very simple
Now is the time
right now

So popped in my Vinyasa Flow tape
from my favorite Jerzey Yogini Seane Corn
fifty minutes on the mat later
and I am back to bizness
tears flowing down my face
heart open
mind calm
body relaxed
grateful

It brought me back to the days
that I spent with her this summer at Omega
she truly is an amazing woman and teacher
with the mouth of a trucker, hair like a hooker, and the prayers of an angel
she has become one of my most important teachers
I looove her and all her glorious Jerzyness

Just needed that reminder
that it is all practice
and that I am really here for
is to do my work from a heartfelt place
and learn these theories and questions
as a sacred practice
to embody spirit
and share and give what I can
take a deep breath
all the rest is fear

Thank you Seane
thank you spirit
what she says about the Yoga practice below
I directly apply to my counseling practice
and to a larger degree
this process of studying for my
licensing exam

Here is an excerpt that I kinda paraphrased
and typed out
to share with you
from her "Vinyasa Flow" DVD
which I loooooove
it completely helped me tonight
and I share it with you
in hopes
that it finds you well
Happy March!

"What we need is a sense of humor and play,
things are going to be challenging
the point is to explore and get into your body
link the mind and body
with breath..
we get into habits in our body...
we need to learn how to integrate the technical pose
and move with absolute awareness and let the breath take you there...
practice is about awareness and intention
to open our heart and mind, if you are connecting with spirit, you are going to feel good, connection to spirit is what is important and with practice
you will get this, you will get this,
it is a process...bring in the feminine.....it's the relationship with the inner world and outer world....and bring this all together"

Oho ~*

Glorious Ashokan Reservoir

2008-02-29T08:40:00.001-08:00

Last weekend, it was so beautiful out
Just incredible with all the snow
it was that clean, soft white snow
that just sends sparkles all over the world

After a very long study cram
I knew I had to get out
and we went about twenty minutes to the Ashokan Reservoir
for a long long walk
they have a bridge that goes right over it so you can really take in the scale of the reservoir
which used to be one of the largest in the country

It's a curious place
apparently the area was flooded
in the Early 1900's
to make way for the reservoir
and in its wake took nine towns
and thirty two cemetaries
including two thousand eight hundred bodies or skeletons with it
Mostly of Revolutionary Soliders
all in the sake of water for the surrounding areas and NYC

Hallowed Ground
indeed
and it feels like it
very mystical and
otherworldly

I kept seeing hearts
in the snow
it really is one of the most beautiful places around here
It was just what we needed
to embrace the snow and enjoy the majesty of our area

PS Happy Extra Leap Year Day!

The Road Ahead

2008-02-28T08:55:00.000-08:00

I have to be honest
I am working my tail off over here

When I am not working seeing nine clients a day
or writing proposals for projects at Omega this summer (more to come later)
I am working on my potential new job that may happen
after an extensive background search (again more later)
intimidating, yes
luckily I've never even had a speeding ticket, how'd I get away with so much?

I am studying my head off
truly
at least three or four hours a day
sometimes six on the weekends
I have never been so diligent
and I have to say
I am very proud of me, te he he!

My test day is less than three weeks away
and thanks to some great consultation (thanks Rachel)
I think the most important thing is
to take care of the anxiety around this beast
breathe breathe breathe

Six years in the making
all comes down to 170 multiple choice questions
two questions are correct
you guess the one they want to hear
whether you agree with it
or not

But what I find my mind doing
is the chatter
How am I going to terminate with my therapy clients
and take the test and start a new job
all in a matter of three weeks?
Am I taking on to much?
It's all timing, glorious timing
and it's all happening
this month

Scott is taking
SUCH GOOD CARE OF ME
I can't even begin
from being quiet when I am taking my tests
to making me beautiful brain food
and raw chocolate smoothies
to lighting fires
and taking on a lot of the house chores
and making sure we have a great place to live
this summer
(again, more to come)
baby, I am so grateful
thank you thank you thank you

And its all beautiful things
Things I have been working towards
and working hard for
for the past six plus years
here it is, here it is
and I am grateful
its just a lot... of work
and balancing
and praying

Mostly though
my number one priority
is my licensing exam
this is my "Moby Dick"
I have been waiting to take this
for so long
and I think
I am ready

I just visualize myself there
taking the test
making all of my best choices
and mostly the ride home
windows down
music blasting
calling all of you
Rejoicing

Please if you can, set that intention with me....

A few more shots

2008-02-24T09:05:00.001-08:00

Here is Scott as he is off to scrape the roof, thank God for that. The picture below shows you the roof he has to scale with a rickety ol thang from Laura Ingalls Wilder days. It's a freakshow but has to be done so that the water doesn't leak into his studio. Like most things around the house, he just does it, with a smile. Whatta guy! Jeesh I love him...

These are some shots that he took this morning at the break of dawn
He has been taking some great pictures lately

Scenes from a Snowy Winter

2008-02-24T08:28:00.000-08:00

We had another foot of snow on Friday
Scott and I got cozy and just settled in
No where we have to be... just here, quiet and watching

Right now he is filling up the bird feeder for hopes of visitors
who are singing to each other
across the yard
And our two deer friends are watching us closely
They visit us every afternoon around four thirty
Scott's putting out some wheat grass today
as a special treat

We had a fox visit us too
Scott got this picture, a very rare sight around here
just before the storm

And then there was the lunar eclipse the other night, brilliant reds and oranges for over a full hour

I sit here, in awe

Sweetness

2008-02-18T09:10:00.000-08:00

I have to say
I am surrounded by sweetness

Look at all the love!
Went to my lovely Gma's house this weekend
on the Connecticut coast
This place I have called one of my homes
used to play here on the beach when I was little
My Mom and Presley met us there
for an utterly sweeet sweeeet weekend

Having "shocks" of blessedness lately
It just comes to me in one divine moment
of how much I am surrounded by goodness
At one moment I was lying on my Gma's bed with her
We were all watching the gorgeous images from the "Planet Earth" series
(if you haven't checked it out, do yourself this favor)
And I was encompassed by how I have been waiting for this
for so long
to have Scott with me at my Gma's was such a gift
this home of mine for the past twenty something years
and here we all were
taking in the beauty of the world
in one of the most comforting places of my life

Here are some pics to share
the cupcake that I bought Scott for Vday
I just thought it was a work of art
and was worthy to share

Puppy Love

2008-02-15T09:44:00.000-08:00

OK
We are just crazy about dogs right now
in particular puppies
Scott and I every chance we get are either talking about dogs
watching dogs
planning for dogs
just plain puppy love!

It's dangerous as we have a pet shop down the street that always has new puppies in the window
I find that cruel as it is cold out
and we plan their escape every time we go by

Here is the one he gave me until we can actually get one
I have like five different names for him right now..
He is hanging out with me
studying today
you press his paw and he goes
"you are so doggone cute!"

Was watching the Dog Shows last week and my favorite dog "Uno" won!
he is so beautiful, a Beagle which never wins the shows
It's always those weird looking poodle types
like that bitch Vicki, the little white one with the pom poms
don't see the appeal really
I always hear how smart they are
sorry, still doesn't cut it for me
The only thing really keeping me from falling headway into the dog show world
is the crowd
grim group really...

Yes, I think we might be turning into weird dog people

Watched "Best in Show" the other night by Christopher Guest
If you haven't seen it, check it out
One of the funniest movies ever!

CUNT

2008-02-14T17:06:00.000-08:00

Go Jane Fonda!
All I have to say is CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT!
Wait, one more time... I just have to get this out
CUNT

I can't believe in a world where someone just walked into a University
and shot a bunch of people dead
we are concerned about a word...CUNT
Maybe if we talked about the CUNT a little more,
or had a little more CUNT
the world would be a more peaceful place ~*

At Omega this summer I had the pleasure of being around
Jane and Eve Ensler and their radical crew
who were there for the Women and Power conference
spreading the good V day word
And I spent V-Day with them
in 2002 when the huge Vagina Monologues came to San Francisco
and I walked through a huge entrance of a CUNT to get to the performance

I was so turned around by her presence
she is one of our elders
and owns her mistakes
and has learned from them
and isn't perfect
but the difference is she knows this...
and isn't afraid of opening her mouth

thanks Jane
just please don't back down
like you did with Vietnam
please please
own your CUNT this time...
no apologies ladies

OK, just one more time for the road
CUNT

From My Perch

2008-02-10T14:24:00.000-08:00

Just wanted you to see where I am posted during most of my free time
I am surrounded here in this room by windows, trees, and 180 degree views of
our front lawn
This is where I study, relax, and watch the amazing views of my home
Here I am visited by sun, crows, bears, deer, and yesterday, an Owl

If you look really really close you can see her shadow
(I assume she is a "she")
up in the tree
She sat there for a very long time during one of more blustery parts of the snow storm
I think she is the same one who visited me sometime ago, she sat in the same exact spot during another storm, probably taking an assessment of the blustery situation. It's a wild thing to see an owl during the day, as they are nocturnal and I am assuming that she woke up during the storm. On another level I believe in Animal Spirits and know that she is a messenger for me as well. In feeling her message I think she was just letting me know that she "sees" me and the hard work I am doing in this room of mine day after day to get pass my exam .

She sat with me for a very long time, and as I turned away for a moment and she was gone...

Year of the Rat

2008-02-07T16:04:00.000-08:00

This is one of the few times I am glad to be called a "Rat"

Happy Chinese New Year!

THE YEAR OF THE RAT, 2008

February 7, 2008 - January 25, 2009 (Earth)

According to the Chinese Zodiac, the Year of 2008 is a Year of the Rat (Earth), which begins on February 7, 2008 and ends on January 25, 2009. First in the cycle of 12 Animal signs, Rat Year begins the sequence and recurs every twelfth year. It is a time of renewal in so many ways. From New Year to Valentine's Day, to the arrival of spring, may all the blessings and delights of the New Year be yours.

A Rat Year is a time of hard work, activity, and renewal. This is a good year to begin a new job, get married, launch a product or make a fresh start. Ventures begun now may not yield fast returns, but opportunities will come for people who are well prepared and resourceful. The best way for you to succeed is to be patient, let things develop slowly, and make the most of every opening you can find. People born in an Earth Rat are said to be logical realists, shrewd, charming, ambitious, and inventive. Of course, the entire horoscope must be considered when making any personality assessment.

In Chinese, the Rat is respected and considered a courageous, enterprising person. People born in the Year of Rat are clever and bright, sociable and family-minded. They have broad interests and strong ability in adapting to the environment and able to react adequately to any changes.

They are gifted in many ways and have an easy going manner. They are active and pleasant, tactful and fantastic, and are able to grasp opportunities. They seem to have interests in everything and hope to participate in doing it and usually do it very well.

(sharedfrom http://www.springsgreetingcards.com/catalogs/catalog.asp?prodid=4943233

Rawspendor

2008-02-03T16:19:00.001-08:00

Entertained a bunch of great people from Omega last weekend in our home. It was the second of a winter potluck series we are having to keep us connected and it was a blast. The house felt so warm and cozy, we had a fire and it was very ambiant and beautiful. Scott made a bunch of Raw treats that everyone devoured, raw spinach masala, mushroom caps, tacos, apple cookies, and more. It was delish and everyone was whoooed by his raw food prowess. He had all the ladies in the kitchen at one point showing them how to vortex water and make chocolate coconut smoothies, this lady was proud. It's nice to be able to have people over and make deper connections here.

Thanks Suzanne for the great pictures.

So close, almost spring

2008-02-02T16:17:00.000-08:00

My driveway is an ice rink
literally, its a luge
we can't leave the house without slipping
I am ready for my dog sled...
I always did want to do the luge for my olympic sport though
time to get that started

I am cozy inside with a fire and my man
studying my head off for my March 10th test date
but whoa, do I miss hiking, flowers, and fresh spring air...
anyone else?

My Counsins Big Fat Irish Italian Wedding...

2008-02-01T15:16:00.000-08:00

Recently we were in Hartford, Connecticut for my cousin Julie's wedding... was a blast with all my family there for a few days . My favorite picture is below with my Mom and beautiful Nana dancing all night long, she's 84 and rocks it!Grew up tight with Julia and it was such a joy to see her really happy. It was a more traditional wedding than I've been to in a while, but had her own style too it. The taxi they rode off in is actually from the tv series "taxi"..that my uncle borrowed from his boss as he owns it. What a trip! Along with all my mothers side there is her fathers side of the family who are old school Italians, a very "Godfather" flavor indeed. I always say I am vicariously Italian as I've always had their influence on me, as well as my Sicilian step mother. I even swear in Italian as Scott will attest to- when I dropped baking soda from the fridge the other day I didn't even realizing I was saying "FCUK" in Italian!

These friends of mine....

2008-01-28T19:38:00.001-08:00

For Gal

2008-01-25T09:53:00.001-08:00

I know it's a fuzzy picture, but do you know what this is? It's the "friendship pin" you gave me years ago. I have it pinned to my favorite bag, and I think of you and all your silly wonderful ways every time I see it!
Sending you big love and strength now sister... and as you heard so clearly in your dream,
HOPE

"Mondo Beyondo" oh eight

2008-01-18T09:03:00.000-08:00

I have a few crushes in the blog world, two of them I want to shout out in '08 for their courage and inspiration to me. Its weird because I have never met them, but feel as if I have been friends with them for years as they are so giving and intimate with what they share with us in this wild blogger world. Two of them (who are friends) are Superhero (http://www.superherodesigns.com/journal/ ) and Boho (http://bohemiangirldesigns.blogspot.com/index.html).

Last week was wild and challenging and shot me into new places. I was surprised by it, and what came out was a really strong voice with clarity. Thanks for all your support (you know who you are). I am great, the interview went really well, I feel strong and clear on the other end.

I think we all have these expectations that since it's a new year all is going to be groovy and squeaky clean. Then the snow piles up on the side of the road all yellow and grey and we go "WTF". I have wanted to take Superhero's Mondo Beyondo challenge for a while, so here it goes.

1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2007?
(What did you create? What challenges did you face with courage and strength? What promises did you keep to yourself? What brave choices did you make? What are you proud of?)

I created a new life in a new state with a new man who exceeds my dreams and hopes and expectations. I was holding his face last night thinking "wow, it was you , and here you are", swoon.... thank you love.

Challenges I faced with courage and strength: Being in love and staying there, taking that awful but necessary job in Newark, staying on the east coast while I was missing my friends and home big time....

Promises I kept: to stay put when I was scared shitless, to be more honest with myself in what I need, not to run when I wanted to, staying close to my family

Brave choices are going back to Omega with Scott and loosing my stable income to plant fertile seeds for a wonderful life

I am proud of interviewing at Cornell for my dream job, and going through the most rigorous job interview I ever performed and for staying true to my dreams.

2. What is there to grieve about 2007?

(What was disappointing? What was scary? What was hard? What can you forgive yourself for?)

I grieve my life in San Francisco, the reality that I am living now on the East Coast, my community. I forgive myself for that choice.

3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?

(Okay, the next step is to say out loud, "I declare 2007 complete!" How do you feel? If you don't feel quite right, there might be one more thing to say...)

I am so grateful for 2007, it was a cornerstone year and I am grateful to all and for all. I am proud of myself and my choices , thankful for my losses and see now that it is all part of this wild and wonderful path we are all on.

I declare 2007 COMPLETE! Hazaaah!

(The final step is to consider your primary focus for the year to come. What is your primary intention or theme for 2008? Is it the year of joy? the year of self-care? the year of partnership?
Stand up and say it proud, "2008 is my year of...."

After you list your intentions, let's do the list that is truly Mondo Beyondo status. What are the things you are wanting to manifest that are almost too scary to even write down? The ones that elicit a gremlin response of "You can't have that!" or "Who are you to ask for that?" or "Fat chance. That will never happen. You're not a good enough....(fill in the blank)"

Are you nervous? You should be. This list should be a bit dangerous. It should make you feel a little shy and excited. Butterflies abound.)

2008 is my year of surprises, of joy, and of stepping strongly onto this new path.

I know that sometime this year I will finally get licensed for that bloody LCSW test I have been dreading for six years. Also I will be starting my own therapy practice and starting my own business consulting and providing therapy for those who cannot find a solid practitioner in their area (coming soon to a website near you...). I want to create a strong home based business. I want to sort out some of the yucky ambivalent financially successful guilt I have been avoidant of. I can be a strong social worker and therapist and be able to take care of myself financially as well.

I step strongly into my role as a dedicated sister, a strong advocate, and loving partner of Scott.I an really excited for our love, and I am so here...

In 2008 I will love well, live well, be softer and gentler with myself, not be so frikin serious, and have a lot more fun. I want to step deeper into a solid body based practice, to really commit to something that helps me continue to feel good and grow good. I commit to growing towards the raw/living foods path that Scott and I are on, and will have grace for myself when I am not there as well.

I will also be seeking out a woman/spiritual group that I can grow. Even if I have to start the darn thing. I want a community here dammit. So bring it!

And how about you? I look forward to hearing about your dreams and aspirations as well. Thank you Andrea Superhero, I am grateful for this challenge, and thank you for so freely sharing yours.

I'm no angel

2008-01-11T09:27:00.000-08:00

It was all I could do to just let the tears roll down my face.
It was just an incredibly emotional day of listening to seven families in a row tell of their tragic tales and how messed up everyone is after it all. And i'm just sitting here thinking " who am I to think I can help anyone?". I was actually relieved to finally be crying. How could I be a person who sits in a room all day hearing of the darkest hardest secrets in a persons life not have some emotion about it? As a therapist doing this for years I have trained myself to have clinical skills, coping skills, rituals to leave it behind. And there I was bawling in the bathroom stall with the puke pink walls and fake flowers all around. "Country Kitch" is the look they are going for in the drab and dismal attempt to cheer this place up i guess. I know its cause its unnatural to have as many clients as they are asking us to have with no break in a forty five minute session four days a week with no support and very little pay. I know this. And wow was I feeling it.

Every morning I glide down the mountain top and put the angels around my car. I learned this trick as one of my grounding rituals, and as I have had a particularly hard time around the mountain feeling safe with all the deer and icy patches and swirly curves, I thought this would help. I look to my right and there is the reservoir and I look forward to my day, being a safe place for these kids to land. I have come into a deeper practice of asking for help, a lot of it, from the universe, the angels, god, what ever will do, when I get stuck in the room and need it to turn to being a session of what it needs to be. What I want to acknowledge is that they are there for me too. I know this... and here is a reminder of how.

Last night, I was disillusioned, burned out even. I know I can do good work. But at what cost sometimes? The amount they are asking of me is too much with very little compensation. I get a world of good from the love of these kids. I do. And my personal boundaries tell me it is too much to ask of me to have seven clients in a row every day. I had had enough. Scott saw it with me on the couch as I was watching "Grey's Anatomy" last night after my crying spell telling him I want to be a bean counter or a telemarketer. The whole show was about faith, and boy, did I need that. Cried through the whole thing I did. Wow I needed that reminder. Faith, hmm. I could sit with that. Faith that I do what I can. Faith that I am where I am to be for now. Faith that I will enlist proper support and receive what I need. Faith. good. thanks ABC television, I needed that. It comes from the weirdest places sometimes...

And then I move to open my junk email on my hotmail account, and there it is. The news I have been waiting for. The interview I have wanted for over two years, on Tuesday, and did I change my phone number because they have been trying to find me....

ps thanks to Katia who reminded me in her post about the site that it was a new moon in capricorn on tuesday where I learned the phrase "in your patience is your soul." http://www.mooncircles.com/newmoon_pythia.html

Don't You Hate These Things?

2008-01-06T17:19:00.000-08:00

These frikin chain emails
makes me zaaany
I just got home from a huge Irish Italian family wedding
I'm exhausted and so cookied out
and received this
so I read it cause I'm a sucka for the horoscope
and it pretty much nails me, Virgo chic
so instead of forwarding to my friends who will hate me
(ahem, Gal...)
I figure I'll just post it here
cause at least 7 people will read it
that way I'm not "sending it" per say...
but won't have the bad luck to boot
not like i really believe in that stuff...
but just in case
I think I have fulfilled
my forwarding obligations...:

This is the real deal. Try ignoring it, and the first thing you'll notice
is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets worse from there.

ARIES - The Aggressive

Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be 'Right'. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

TAURUS - The Tramp

Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight.
Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for the love of attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

GEMINI - The Twin

Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good at confusing people... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Gemini's will not take any crap from anyone. Gemini's like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Gemini's can be very sarcastic and childish at times, and are very nosey.
Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CANCER - The Beauty

MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. A Cancer's Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative Person, most's are artists and insane respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An Ultimate Freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever. Cancers make love with a passion beyond compare
Spontaneous. Not a Fighter, But will kick your ass good if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to! 12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LEO - The Lion

Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy, but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A leo's problem becomes everyone's problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

VIRGO - The One that Waits

Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. The do not forgive and never forgetThe one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LIBRA - The Lame One

Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with... you might end up crying... Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Kinda dumb at times. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SCORPIO - The Addict

EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One

Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones will all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover

Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Grouchy at times and annoying to some. Lazy and love to take it easy. But when they find a job or something they like to do they put their all into it. Proud, understanding and sweet.
Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always
gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to win against other signs especially Gemini's in sports. Likes to cook but would rather go out to eat at good restaurants.
Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water

Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind, loves being in
long-term relationships. Can be clumbsy at times but tries hard. Will take on any project. Proud of themselves in whatever they do. Messy, and unorganized. Procrastinators. Great lovers, when their not sleeping. Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets usually more then their familiy. Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not forward

PISCES - The Partner for Life

Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Messy at times and irresponsible! Smart but lazy. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. Lover of animals. VERY caring, make wonderful nurses or doctors. They always try to do the right thing sometimes get the short end of the stick. They sometimes et used by others and hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to other but need to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

OK here's the thing you cant send this to the person who sent this to you so good luck! the other hard part is that last one with this is the loser.

ready ........ set............ GO!

1-3 people= 1 minute of luck

4-7 people= 1 hour of luck

8-12 people = 1 day of luck

13-17 people = 1 week of luck

18-22 people = 1 month of luck

23-27 people = 3 months of luck

28- 32 people = 7 months of luck

33-37 people = 1 year of luck

38 and more = a very lucky life!

Year Of Surprises

2008-01-03T15:17:00.001-08:00

My Step Mom, pictured above dancing with my father, is a very wise Sicilian woman from the Bronx, who is "usually right". She made the statement that last year was "The year of change" for our family. This year she predicts it to the "The Year of Surprises"

It started off already with them finding out that they have had a four hundred pound black bear settled in living under their porch, right under where they spend most of their time. And we have bear prints all around our yard, esp. near our dear bird feeder. Looks like that is coming down sooon.... arn't they supposed to be hibernating? It's cold, two degrees!

Oh yea, I got my hair cut off. I was butchered by the local yocal hair cut lady. I should know better than to go to a place called "Haircutz". Not much of an option up here though. Next time i'll travel for my cut. Spent Christmas eve having my "mullet" fixed... turned out ok though. My Christmas Miracle: having my Mom's hair dresser "pop by" for dessert and ended up performing emergency surgery on my disastrous dooo. Have bangs now... bangs! It's a good change, I lost five inches off the back, but I like it.

Spent New Years at my brothers, totally fun. Very mellow and cozy. Played "Songster", like Karaoke but you get points. It was great to finally learn the words to "Come on Eileen" by those British guys in suspenders. They are dirty lyrics.. have you ever noticed that? My friend from grammar school said that she used to date one of them. But then again, there were like fifteen of them in the video...

My sister is visiting from Colorado, so
good to have her around. Lots of family time, lots of napping, lots of snow. So far, its great!

In pics:
Scott and his buddy Santa after a nap
Songster
NYE stroke of midnight, taken by my bro
Me my sister and Dad, and my parents dancing, so cute!

Ohhhhhseven

2007-12-31T08:27:00.000-08:00

Seven has always been one of my favorite numbers
I am always inclined when Seven is around
it's just a neat sexy little number, dontchya think?
Well I have to say, '07, you certainly rocked my world
my knees are still quivering
if I was a smoker, I'd be hacking on that long sweet nicotine hard time!
a just reward of a job well done.. well done indeed!
Yes, yes, for a year, you did me right..
you came in smooth... let me have some time
to settle in, get cozy, put on a fire and a soft pair of pj's

And then Wooosh... like some drill sargent in the middle of the night
the blankets were gone from the bed and all bets were off
in one week:
There was no Ithaca, Sue was moving to Colorado
and I was in love

From there I stepped strongly onto the path that is
my new life
years in creation, praying, manifesting
and here it is

I am forever blessed by all of the abundance and
gifts of beauty and love that surround me daily

From the deer in the yard
to the dear in my heart and home
who is so damn good to me
good love baby good love
thank you, thank you, thank you

For the strong sense of who I am
and who I am becoming
and loving myself with humor and forgiveness
to the quiet sense of knowing this is allll right
its all right its perfect its the best day eva!

And the gifts continue to unfold
to the practice that is my relationship with the Divine
to the practice of how I have been blessed to share and give to others
for the ability to look inside and ask for help and then bring it out to the world and share and know that I am doing what I can
in this world to shine on and hopefully show others the good in them as well

What a gift, what a life
and I so look forward to what is next on the horizon
with my life with my love with the universe
See my secret: I think more good is going on than they tell us
And if we can take that and blow it up it can only expand and expand
till all of us are really choosing and creating and living and sharing
the life that we dream it to be
we have a lot more choice in this than we believe
and when we join with the great forces of the universe
and put on our superhero capes and make the decision
just to love, how can we go wrong?

sending my love to you all
may all of our '08's
be just as abundant

Happy Holidaze

2007-12-23T14:16:00.000-08:00

Pic by Apple Moshberry, love her

Snohhhhhhh....

2007-12-22T09:41:00.000-08:00

This is the Buddha outside my window, with a winter hat and coat
The view from my sun room... snow room...
Our table and chairs , can you see the accumulation? Two feet, right?

You know you've had a lot of snow:

A. When even the snow plow guy gets stuck in your driveway, can't get out, and knocks out the cable line which is attached to your phone as well, can't call out (Think "The Shining")- then he calls in the reinforcements

B. When you (read:boyfriend) have to scrape ice off the roof so it won't leak into the roof on a rickety ladder from the 1800's while the house is shaking from "Gale force winds" with four foot wind drifts

C. When it's up to your knees and you are driving home in a storm that you feel will almost take your life if you look down to change the radio station or take the snow out of your boots and you hang on to the wheel tight and pray while you are sliding into a truck

D. All of the above

That would be "D" people

I know some of you are thinking, "its Upstate New York, what are you thinking ?"
This California girl has had her initiation, for sure
It's over, it's pretty, we have service again, we are safe and grateful... what a week!

Tis the Season

2007-12-07T10:33:00.000-08:00

The Tree

The Mantle
The foyer into the dining room
The living room looking into the sun room, currently the "snow room"

So Christmas threw up all over my house
Scott and I got very caffeinated last weekend
and had two huge boxes of Xmas decorations from my Moms, it was so fun
It does look really sweet actually
We decided instead of killing a Pine
We would decorate our beautiful Ficus tree
and you know what? It looks awesome
May become a family tradition
While I love Pine trees, I love them in the ground..

I have to say I am having a holly jolly Christmas
I've never been so into it
The decorations, the twinkly lights
The Rudolph and Frosty specials on ABC
even the silly songs, I will not pass over them on the radio
I think sharing this with Scott is bringing Xmas to a whole new level
having our own place, decorations on the tree from my childhood
stockings on the fireplace
Also things are changing a bit this year, we are not exchanging presents
My family has decided (which I love) not to buy into the consumer craziness of this warped
buy buy buy holiday, and taking it back to just the "spirit of the season" and spending quality time together. We all took a big breath around that, opting to save our cash and use it towards things we need right now, as opposed to things we will return. Instead I think we will take each other out, cook together, spend lazy time in front of the fireplace, all that good stuff.

It is snowing right now
and we just saw an Owl, it was very exciting
really having fun with the birds lately
No tv here, all bird feeder all the time
I think I will become one of those weird Audubon society people
binoculars, hat and all
I can see it now...

Happy Holidaze Loves

Joy

2007-11-30T09:07:00.001-08:00

Contemplating Joy
You hear so much about it lately
Especially with the holiday season upon us

It's different than happiness
Happiness is so vast, so transitional
Joy permeates
Joy, is

I've seen Joy in all sorts of situations
from the ghettos to the mountaintops
from people who struggle hard and children who don't know any better
what does it take to have Joy? How does this happen
I know people who have it
some it comes easier than others
and its not just in those who have "everything" they are supposed to have

So things come quickly these days
I was thinking about this a lot
when "BAM"
I ride down through the town of my work
and all along the main road of the cutie town I work in
they have decorated for the holidays
"JOY" banners, lining the road with candles
I had to laugh
thank you universe
you continue to give me the cosmic giggle
so in tribute to your constant sense of humor
here are my thoughts:

Joy
is a decision
Joy
is a choice
Joy
is believing in not sinking into the harder things that inundate us daily hourly weekly
Joy is watching the birds right outside your window feed in a dance of delicacy and fairness
Joy is hearing that your good friend is pregnant
and having baby spirits visit you in your dreams
Joy
is DECIDING to not be upset that they screwed up your paycheck
Joy is falling in love with each and every child and family that walks through my doors and decides that they have the strength and courage to find out what they can do to make things right
Joy is riding up the mountain on my way home and walking through the doors to find that my love has made me dinner complete with candles lit
Joy is a choice not to be pissed off complacent or bored
Joy is an opportunity to thrive and live
by doing what ever you possibly can to give and receive and be and love
Joy is now

Thanks Givin

2007-11-25T14:11:00.000-08:00

Hosted Thanksgiving at our house this year. It was great to finally be able to have people to our house, and prepare food and give lots of thanks. It was cozy and we kept the fireplace going the whole time, lots of hiking and relaxing and cuddling with Presely.
My Mom got us this fantastic bird feeder that brings all the birds to us right outside our window. Talk about constant entertainment!

In Gratitude

2007-11-20T16:38:00.000-08:00

In Gratitude for my beautiful Man Scott my amazing family and the best friends ever work that I love my strong and my resilient body my clear vision my strong sense of fairness instincts the smell of burning wood the deer who eat in my yard raw food my car fuzzy blankets Bearsville good movies red wine dark chocolate nice carpets my computer being in love art the vivid dreams I have been having phone service my own office clarity of mind to study peace quiet colorful woods music smelly candles safety when I drive music squirrels coconut cocoa smoothies having dinner made for me making dinner for him being in driving distance to my family having washer and a dryer nice lighting peace omega not watching the news too much radio woodstock love love love and love!

What are you Grateful For? Happy Thanks Giving!
And yes, Happy Birthday Sue!

Too Marveous For Words

2007-11-18T16:59:00.000-08:00

See the mountains in the background, and the smoke comin out the chinmey?
I took these pictures after foraging for wood in our forest
Our back yard, these are storage sheds, the size of a large studio on San Francisco
Our back door
Deer,
in our front yard
its snowed here already
Twice!

To0 Marvelous for Words...
Thanks Frank (Sinatra)
Sitting here, listening to his "Romance" album
sipping red wine in front of my wood burning stove
feeling warm and swoony
while my sweetie makes us more raw goodies
feeling as if I want to express all of this
and again, at a loss for words
life is good

What I will tell you is that I am hosting my family
here in our new home for Thanksgiving
a big deal-io
as living on the West Coast for twelve years
always been a guest
Now, I am the host
Looking forward to cooking and preparing
and having not to travel on a holiday
wow have things changed

I will tell you that I started my new job this week
So glad to get back to this
Miss it miss it
Had my first clients already
sweeties, some strong situations
nothing like the gang war foster care gun shot wound my cousin did this weekend from a gun shot would of yesteryear that was my "daily grind" (sigh)....

So yea, things are good
its work living in the woods
with composting and
with wood and oil and having to find someone
to shovel the drive for the big storms
driving up the mountains
but hell, is it fun!
Have no computer access at work
but will try and keep this updated
as much as I can

It's quiet here
I like it
so beautiful, the deer using our yard to feast in
getting our life patterns on
coming home, driving up the mountain
I live in the Catskills
In a valley in the middle of two mountains
its beautiful
Here are some pictures for you
More of the inside to come soon

How are you? Tell me your stories...

Miss Rashada

2007-11-10T17:00:00.000-08:00

My old Social Work Supervisor SuperStar
Miss Rashada
passed away
I found out just recently
I am so mourning her, so feeling her
I found out on All Souls Day

Ovarian Cancer
She was a good friend
And incredible woman
Completely deliciously inappropriate
(I'll tell you sometime on how she used to hit on EVERYONE , especially visiting psychiatrists and would FREAK them out, sexual harassment laws be damned...)
She defied all stereotypes, a converted Muslim liberal African American daughter of gynecologists
She had crazy hair
and crazy outfits
and always was late
and said what people wanted too but couldn't
She worked in her community
as a social worker for hundreds of kids
A big warm hug
and a momma when they needed it most
I love you Miss Rashada
Many called you many names
Jungle Bird Auntie Ra Ra
you were my Miss Rashada
and we met every Wednesday for three years
and were one of my best friends
You said I was the blackest white girl you ever knew
and was one of your children
you helped so many
just by being you
and you were so incredibly you
I love you and miss you
You are now one of My Angels
Thanks for all your love

Go Sue Go!

2007-11-05T12:06:00.001-08:00

My sister
hanging out on the edge of the world~*

If you are not on the edge,
you are taking up too much space
(a wise one once said)

this picture made me weep with love
and excitement
and anticipation

I love how it is all unfolding
I can't wait to see whats next
I am so proud of us
for manifesting and living out
our dreams

i unpacked our kitchen stuff today
and you are all over my home here
including the "Cornell" mug
(that bloody thing, yes)
isn't it lovely how
we really
really
get what we need
shine on sister sue ~*

Ready To Right

2007-11-01T09:59:00.000-07:00

I am writing to you from my new "sun room" in our cozy cottage near Woodstock New York, facing the mountains and glorious colors of Autumn. It is Dia De Los Muertos and I am feeling the thin veil of the worlds ascend as I am alone in the woods with only the mice and chipmunks who inhabit my cottage. Scott is away in sunny Florida working for the yoga conference for Omega and this week is the longest we will be apart in our time together. This is the first time in what feels like a whirlwind of a year that I am, alone. And I choose to share it with you, as I have been, away. Where I have been is in creating this moment right now. See, I really do believe you create what you want, what you need, your joy and hearts desire. I am living proof of this.

Five , maybe six or years ago, I layed in an old lovers bed and dreamed this moment right now. I was running a Transitional Living program for homeless youth that was intrinsically imploding, feeling exhausted by the city congestion and grief and trauma that I held space for on an hourly basis. Feeling empty in this relationship, with no connection to the divine but rather with body and earthly pleasured, I yearned for more. I had so much, but I knew to feel fulfilled I needed it deeper. Somehow, I created a vision of a simple, healthy, life in upstate New York in a cabin with my love and maybe a dog... this is what I wanted, needed, was called to. I envisioned this very scene I stare out into right now. Close to my birth land, in the colors, in a love with the Divine deeper than any love I had known before, in true appreciation and gratitude for every leaf, every breeze, every color and scent of the good earth. And I knew too, that he was here. I needed to come and collect him, my man, my love.

So here I am, a long and windy road but I am here. Moved in two days ago. Left Omega land, was ready, it was right. It gave Scott and I time to collect ourselves, clean out, dig in, connect to our creator and ourselves and each other. Gave us the space to envision the world we want to create, together. And here it is, we are living in it, thank you great Creator.

Manifested great jobs... he at Omega continuing with his work and beginning a recording studio out of one of our three bedrooms. We live at the end of a dirt road near Woodstock NY with a wood burning stove and 600 acres of land behind us. We are renting from a fantastic couple that is the vision of what we will probably be in 20 years, these beaming healthy living beings who are writers and are going to Florida for the winter (how East Coast of them : ) ). I am starting to work in counseling center near here working with children and families, and will be getting my license by December , yikes and wow. We have everything we need down the street,post office, cafe, a famous theater, yoga studio, health food store. And yet we are in quiet, beautiful woods . Scott did all the work to find it, which is really beyond me. It says a lot when I can trust someone to find something as precious to me as my home. Thank you baby for taking care of us.

So yes, now that I don't have to share phones and three computers with 500 people, now that I don't have to steal phone calls and find time to connect between my harried work schedule and trying to find a job and home without any communication devices, I think I may stop by the jolliejunket more often. I am very thankful to my family and friends who have understood that this time was necessary to make these huge strides towards our future, despite my communication lapses. I hope they know I am always thinking of them, loving them. I am so looking forward to having the phone and computer again, as I miss all terribly.

Till then my dolls, I hope you are amazing and living your dreams as well..

(here are some pics of our end of season and party, 1977 theme...)

Falling into the mystery

2007-10-10T10:51:00.000-07:00

I know its been a long long time
stolen moments on this information box
have been capitalized by creating a future life
as opposed to documenting a past one

But yes lots to speak of
and not communicating leaves me out of touch
with those I love and treasure
the time of this is closing soon soon

Three more weeks here in my stomping grounds
some highlights to share:

Omega this year for me has been my academy really
less social, more scholarly
very focused and disciplined
reading incessantly
walking, classes, workshops
its been illuminating
and of course spiritually enriched
vitamin fortified even ; )

completed a month long cleanse (one week fast)
that left me open and wide

graced by the presence of teachers far and wide
healers prophets sisters of many kind

Just some highlights to let you in
I couldn't possibly translate what I have
gathered by my experiences
to paragraph right now
but just to document it
and try to share where I've been:

Extatic chant with Krishna Das Deva Premal Mitten Wah
Julia Butterfly and Seane Corn in Divine Action
with three hours of kick my ass yoga every day
The Sacred feminine with Gail Straub and Carla Goldstein
Life as a Living Ceremony with Carl Big Heart
David Wolfe and his raw food love
Foraging for wild food with Wildman Steve in Central Park
Museum of Natural History
Women and Power with many many to speak of including
Jane Fonda Eve Ensler Majora Carter and Nobel Peace Prize Winners
Deepak, Dan Millman, Sam Keen in one hour
Carolyn Myss and Grahm Hancock and lots of squirrels chipmunks and deer
oh yea and one very frisky mouse
and of course, John of God
the Brazilian healer, this was a huge event
thousands of people on our campus every day
hoping to find some comfort, some solace
in their aches and pains
all of us
midwives in white
hoping to "hold the current"
as we prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed

So yes my loves
Wrapping it up
soon soon I will be back into
the land of cell phones and blogging
I am ready
I am ready

So now
so now
Scott and I search for our new home
together
keeping it local
although there are some opportunites over the state border
going to rent right now
so we can hunker down
and set some foundation for this beautiful life of ours
him the house and recording and raw food
me getting back to the work I love
I yearn to do again
and study study
get this bloody test out of the way

We have had an amazing summer together
lots of love and learning and growing , together
Yesterday I had some sage advice
from a gorgeous mother in 37 year union:
"you have a special love
and its about making it a holy love"
amen sista

I definitely know this time for us together
has set a beautiful spiritual foundation for us
to grow and flourish
and we search right now for a community
in which to serve and grow
lots of opportunities abounding
I am balancing my planner Virgo
with my hope for allowing what is to be
abound
I read the other day
"allow yourself to fall into the mystery"
i couldn't agree more

love reigns
I am over here
continuing to fall
hope you are well
till next time...
I am happy

Go Toni Go!

2007-09-14T14:38:00.000-07:00

Love you girl, you are so amazing! Keep on going! Breathe! Can't wait to meet Martini! Ari, you breathe too! Yayayayayayyayay!
Love love love Auntie Christie

I just love love love my people

2007-08-28T08:46:00.000-07:00

I am so blessed
I know this
I went to this wedding this weekend for my oldoldold school peeps from Bradford, my college in Massachusetts, where I basically grew up,
My crew from over a decade ago
really good peeps who helped me become become becoming
Kerrigan and John (naked John to those in the know) got hitched in an incredibly beautiful ceremony, on a huge old gorgeous farm house in, in a Quaker ritual where we all were the officiants and it was just gorgeous and touching and everyone cried and they have been together for ever and I love them to pieces. Its when you go"yes", they should be together, you just know this...

This week is particularly hard and wonderful all at the same time
big things happening in my loves lives
Dan and Sarah who I adore (another YES!) honoring their love
Toni and Ari and Martini getting ready to unite, and Toni's bday

All the 'licians on the playa
this is the hard part
just being in another part of the world
I feel them so in my heart, my gut
like last year, my body physically aches for this
I LOVE my peeps so much
and having them far away, I am really feeling it
its become harder and harder I have to admit
Rachel and Jess and Toni feelin it too... trying to figure out ways to get me there...
Rachel even offering to buy me a ticket out there
Jess coming up with clever ways to get me a ride and sustenance
Toni offering her wise words of love
Sarah her love and time even while she is busy with her wedding
Gal and Karina and Katy messages from beyond...
I just love you so much

Kerrigan and John were there this weekend surrounded by all this love, this incredible community who created their wedding for them,
and all I could way to Scott was "look at this, how blessed, and we have this, we have this we have this... and where are we?"....

Big questions and we search for the next spot
and also I should mention I am fasting right now at the end of a month long cleanse
so I am very open and emotional
its all been wonderful all wonderful big realizations
big stuff
Turned 35 last week
which was awesome
had a great day
with my Mom
and then Scott took me to the Dutchess County Fair and we rode the Ferris Wheel
and pet the goats and cows and had a blast
I feel great, I know life is good, I have so much, I am happy done my work doing my work meeting awesome teachers, people who would blow your mind if I had time to tell it...

What else what else
just been doing a lot of work
feeling quiet, not a lot of computer time
feeling less and less like I want to be around one either
so here it is all in one big post

I just love you, my peeps
I hope you have an amazing time on the playa
When you look at the full moon this week, know that
I am there with you

The Good Stuff

2007-08-08T11:49:00.000-07:00

Yes dear readers, I am here
really I am

Finding less and less time to be on the computer
days are filled with , well, everything
Long walks, naps, lovely meals
people friends new age rock stars
hammocks kayaks astrology intuition

Less connected to the internet what is happening whats not happening
but I still love you, I do I do
feeling quiet, doing a lot of work here
big stuff

Started the Ejuva cleanse (www.ejuva.com) on Monday
and quit a fifteen year caffeine addiction Sunday
I feel good, it's intense though
I feel as if I am a helium balloon
my head swirling around, my body the ribbon
spacy, but level
not really grounded, but who needs grounded right now
less anxious totally
I didn't realize how much my body held it
looking forward to the month of it
Scott is joining me, encouraging me really
he's such good support, filling our water bottles
making my shake, making sure I drink enough water
it'll be good for us already I feel changes

I MISS MY FRIENDS
SHIT I MISS MY FRIENDS
Had the good fortune to call the other day
while they were having Martini's baby shower
got to speak to a load of them
it was so good
all planning for burningman and babies
Sarah and Dan's wedding
i got off the phone and burst into tears
serious serious gutteral tears
crying to Scott "Can we move to the West Coast"
thats the one thing I am seriously missing right now
my girls my community
ouchie
but I feel them all the time
thinking of them and their sweet sweet smiles
love you guys...
I am very very blessed indeed

The Police rock the Garden

2007-08-03T12:33:00.000-07:00

Dream come true
Saw The Police at Madison Square Garden on Friday night with Scott, Jerry and Jenn. They were great, sounded incredible, played so playfully, like brothers. It was so amazing, thousands of people screaming and singing all the songs. Beautiful warm rainy night, lightening storms, beers at an Irish Pub. All of my favorite things!

Twenty

2007-08-01T12:03:00.000-07:00

Twenty years
my father and stepmother
celebrating on August 15th

Shared in a weekend extravaganza with them, it was beautiful. Just fun and really healing for all of us. Its been quite a month in the family, lots of changes, moves, twists and turns. In the end we all land on our feet, very blessed indeed.

My sister Celeste and brother Tony are also musicians, and had a blast playing their new CD's, mixing it in with Scotts band. Lotsa music and so talented, all of them. The Family Jam!

Scott and Marilyn stayed up until the wee hours of the night talking about God, life, and what makes the world go 'round! A dream come true for sure as I have wished for a man that could go to bat in a loving and insightful way with a woman that I truly respect. It was all love, and very healing.

I really admire how my father and Marilyn love each other. They hold spirituality and growth as the highest ideals, know what is important, grow as individuals and as a couple, and share there love and abundance with others. It was beautiful to share this with them.

It's all about the Hammock

2007-07-26T19:50:00.000-07:00

Flying through the air with the greatest of ease...

2007-07-24T19:45:00.001-07:00

Some of the many amazing gifts Omega treats us with are lotteries to attend different workshops by the generous teachers here. One of them is Peter and his amazing crew of acrobats-

So every year I put my name in the lottery for this course, praying that I don't get picked! Hoping to cure my bodies illogical fear of heights, maybe this is an extreme way to do it.

So Scott won! Here he is, flying. Just amazing! So proud of him. It takes a lot of guts to get up there.

They say we approach the trapeze the way we approach our lives, a lot to learn from that.

Enjoy the Silence

2007-07-23T15:36:00.001-07:00

The whole campus is silent this week

no talking

no playing charades

no communicating, period.

We got the news last Friday

Adyashanti

who studies and teaches in the

Zen Buddhist tradition

is here with a Five day silent retreat

for Omega's "Retreat Week"

Staff are reacting in a variety of ways
some bitter, it's not their choice
some relieved, taking pleasure in the peace

It's wild

it's quiet

it's nice

it's weird

five hundred people in a room eating

not talking

I am talking because I am working

but I am considering asking my boss

for silence for the last three days

I've been looking into doing this for a while

apparently it's very profound

I'd imagine it would be

after you loose your mind for a minute

I guess that's the point

I'll let you know how it goes...

Friday the 13th

2007-07-13T17:05:00.001-07:00

Always loved Friday the 13th
truly, I'm a freak for a scary movie
the moment right before you always get frightened
when your stomach drops, and then you drop your popcorn
it's the best
nothing like a good scare
I got one today from a chipmunk of all things
was sitting in the woods with a friend talking
and heard an animal in the bushes
got up as it coming from behind me, really scared actually
as it was making tons of noise
jumped and there he was
a chipmunk
again
nothing like a good scare
and the outcomes are usually better than your fears, ey?

So yes lots going on here
and at the same time
nothing, which is just lovely actually
not running around from event to person to activity
this year
more like walking slowly, working, lake walks
hammock reading kayaking
and lots of snuggling and resting
much needed much needed

So just in summary
Alex Grey was here again this week
had a run in with his wife at the bookstore, she was being all New Yorky
and Jersey Christie wasn't ahavin it
but all is good
Scott got picked for the trapeze lottery this week
so looking forward to him taking the leap
feeling less social but hanging with some friends from last year
looking at my need for external stimuli in the form of people
specifically in my typical role as counselor and listener
wondering how that serves me anymore....
and not having any phone service and barely any computer time
leaves me feeling distant from my loved loved ones
so just know
you are in my thoughts and heart
and i will be in touch again soooooon

Poetry and Reason

2007-07-12T17:26:00.000-07:00

Working in the bookstore
I have become a book slut
seriously
three pages here
a paragraph there
sometimes I get a chapter in
there is so much here
and so much I want to read
I wouldnt mind spending the rest of the summer
reading and snuggling, that would be complete satisfaction

So I've turned to the poetry section
so to not loose my mind
as I already have four books I am deeply committed to
I still flirt with all of them though
so much so many I want to ready all of them
all of it is all so dense and majestic

poems provide me a sense of completion
in between the "do you haves" and "i needs" of the
needy new yorkin purchasers
who want an Om symbol or prayer beads
or trendy new yoga tank
to cover up the holes
I just smile
and take their fake money

have to say it's an odd gig
but its a good gig
I get to listen to amazing music
and be around beautiful things
enjoying them
without possessing them
it's a nice practice

So yes I will share
one of my current favorites
I am very inspired by
this man I am madly crazy silly in love with
who is providing me with deep lessons in love
and beyond, every day, every moment
you make me feel cherished and adored
thank you~*

The minute I heard my first love story,

I started looking for you, not knowing

how blind that was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,

they're in each other all along.

Rumi

I'm Here

2007-07-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

And away from the noise and traffic and distraction
Sitting on hammocks and reading and being
going to yoga and singing and sleeping, a lot
We slept in the tent on the first night
and it was sooooo cold
the coyotes were too close too
thought they might bite my butt when I got out to pee
had to pee so hard I didn't care
(this is not an exageration, there are coyotes near my new tent site, te he he)

Finding myself moving very slowly, very thoughtfully
Paying attention to where I am, what is around me
what I am chewing, drinking, seeing
it is peaceful
I fell into this faster than last time
I cannot beliveve the shape I showed up in
scattered and haggard and anxious
Jersey Christie is what i'll call her

Happy now
more peaceful
so peaceful I can't even find the computer or phone
and a walk through the garden is now my morning commute

I was on the hammock for hours today
lounging and reading my book
staring at the lake and the leaves and the children playing in the water
looked to my side at my love and he gazed lovingly back
swoon swoon swooning away
the way it is
the way it is
I'm Here

Happy 7/7/07

And We're Off!

2007-06-30T11:19:00.000-07:00

Read this on one of my favorite blogs (thank you Superhero)

and needed to repost it

it serves me well right now...

Going to go "meet" myself in the woods again

After eight months of the grind

I can't wait to go back home

I am thankful for this time

I have learned a lot

I hope I have given what I have received

I hope I receive what is given

this is my prayer

till then~

shine on!

Love after Love

The time will come

When, with elation,

You will greet yourself arriving

At your own door,

in your own mirror,

And each will smile at the other’s welcome,

And say sit here,

Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine.

Give bread.

Give back your heart

To itself, to the stranger who has loved you

All your life, whom you ignored

For another,

who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

The photographs, the desperate notes,

Peel your image from the mirror.

Sit.

Feast on your life.

~ Derek Walcott ~

Home Stretch

2007-06-25T12:38:00.000-07:00

Forgive me for not writing

See, in between packing and planning and interviewing for people that will live in Scotts home, there has been stolen moments of sweetness, and this is how I've been spending those moments inbetween my Fafing virgo plan fest. What I have to say is that I love how it's all come together. I love learning how S and I work together to make it work. It's been a lot. From early morning to late night we've been painting and measuring and cleaning and putting down new soil. Interviewing and calling and somewhere in between, sweet sleep. See, as I am now called, the "master planner" has definitely been thrown off course by spontaneity. This has been a good stretch for me, learning how to use those muscles. Learning how to be accountable and accommodating and plan with someone that you love that you want the best for. How to work as a team and share victories and frustration and sometimes, say nothing, it can be better that way. We truly and deliriously want the best for eachother, to bring out the best and assist with the rough spots. And I think we have gone through this incredibly well together, learned how to really be a team. Learned to appreciate and know each others strengths , and where we have room to grow. Fixing up his house and planning to go to the woods together has been so good to us. And for us. And now how to be good to others who will share his family home. It's a truly intimate experience. Now we know what we are made of, and it is strong and sweet. We have much to look forward to.

The anxiety and stress of the past few weeks has passed. It's wild how that filled me. Haven't felt it like that, well, ever. Don't do well in last minute plans. Now I know why. Learning how to be more flexibleI don't know, time to get back to the practice. Very clear how putting any self care aside really gets me off track quickly. I think the root of it is that as J and I would say, I am a tree living a birds life. After rooting down in Sf for so long, I have been flittering here and there. Truth is I love home. My virgo nurture nature needs my spot. J and I make home whereever we are, which is what the "fafe" is all about. My truth right now is that it is only where I am. In a tent. In a beautiful bright room at my sisters. At the cozy nook at my moms. At a friends house in SF. My storage space in SF that I still rent. In S's studio where I will possibly be wintering. And now, back in my tree house, my tent in the woods. I am getting used to this nomadic transiant lifestyle. Truly a gypsy for sure, now more than just my blood rite ("gypsy give me your tears" rattles in my head daily). As I've been packing I've been astonished by "the stuff". Its all just stuff! Really, do we need it? I've tried not to collect so much. Even now I am relinquishing my family furniture in return for the freedom I will have, less for my caravan. I am truly a citizen of the universe. And I am anticipating a sweet ride.

So yes, tonight I pick up my sister Breezy to bring her back to NJ from Colorado where she will be making her home. Girls grown her own wings. So happy for her. Will spend the next few days packing up and finishing work in Newark and getting ready for the pilgrimage back to the fireflies , trees, and the light. I might not be here for a while. I will try to keep up as I did last summer, but we'll see. Know that those I know - I know and love, and those I don't , I appreciate your care and well wishes. Till then my sweets~*

Happy Summer

2007-06-21T09:03:00.000-07:00

Full New Moon

2007-06-15T12:36:00.000-07:00

It's soooooooooooo Friday ya'lls

Its been busy I swear

People on the East Coast definately work harder than on the West Coast

It used to be so breezy...

As mizz K says "burning the candle at both ends..."

true dat sista

Feeling better, was pretty saturated this week

between work and trying to get to Omega and cleaning and family and friends and self care

it's all abundnacy

sometimes I just get saturated

and then get stressed

and bossy

and virgo-ey

chop chop as me and my ladiez say

I am thankful my peeps, esp S gets it

needs to get back to self care

walking presley

yoga

singing

eating well

it's amazing how I allow my "lack of time" escalate into falling into non self care behaviors

back to the program

back to the practice

back to the woods

back to me

back to Spirit

Happy Friday Ya'll!

ps aint this a great pic? someone took it when we were at Spearhead at Hunter Mountain, we are somewhere in that crowd!

Gave my notice on Wednesday for my job

Heading up north for the summer on July first

Let the good times roll....

The Way He

2007-06-13T06:33:00.000-07:00

The Way He:

~looks at me and says "good morning my love" and tells me I look all cute when I sleep even though I am all scrunchy and slumbery

~calls me mid morning just to wish me a beautiful day and tell me he loves me

~ goes out to the store to prepare me breakfast and fresh juice, all raw and prepared with LOVE

~ comes with me everywhere even when I go see my craaazy family and understands and thinks it's funny that my marmom loves jesus more than chocolate and comes to church and stands up for me when my dad gets all fanatatical and shit and tells me to go in and give them a hug after I turn into a 12 year old

~ lights candles and to reads to me before bed

~ goes to the book store to look for books for me, orders books for me

, and tells me all about the hundreds of books he reads

~ looks at me and swoons and takes it in when I swoon back

~ cracks me up all the time

~ anticipates what I need and makes sure that it's there when I need it

~doesn't let me get away with my shit

~ envisions and prepares and lives

~just gets it

~knows how to take care of me when I get all virgo-ey and anxious n' shit

~ makes me laugh so frikin hard about the inane subtle nuances of life

~ helps me feel more me than I have ever felt

~ plays his sax and uses his beautiful hands and fingers like a musician

~ takes care of me and sees all the bunches of ways I love him as well

~always plays the right song for me in the most perfect moment (i.e. "Something in the Way she Moves" on the way to my parents that made me weep but I hid my happy tears)

~ thinks my cooking is good even when it isn't that good

~works his ass off to fix up the house so we can go have great adventures this summer

~teaches me teaches me teaches me (and learns from me and with me as well)

I could go on and on and on and on

thank you baby for our gooooood looooove

Synchronicities and Spearhead

2007-06-07T19:44:00.001-07:00

Had the most incredible weekend at Omega and Hunter Mountain this weekend~

Saw my 'ol peeps and it was all so abundant, had major mojo synchronicities with the author of the book that Scott is reading (who just happened to be there.. ahem) sang lots of songs with my favorite band in the world and danced danced danced, got muddy, listened to the rain falling (at the most perfect times, right before and right after our show) had lots of road trippin fun singing and laughing and driving, just incredibly swoony time with S ~ life is good

look at those mountains, so beautiful

my hobbit feet, all muddy. usually I like my feet, but in this case...

This is Anthony on stage with Michael, he is the flower man. He also does the flowers at Omega. Ran into him in the morning before the show, it was great to see him and his beautiful work

With Warren Haynes from Gov't Mule~ Michael sang a lot of songs I hadn't heard yet, very exciting...

We missed the bus and walked all the way back to our car, with the mountains and the calm sweet green around us. This is a beautiful church we walked by as well, you know I am a sucker for a graveyard

My beautiful family

2007-06-06T20:37:00.000-07:00

Finally have a minute to post some pics from our trip to San Francisco, enjoy!

I love this gorgeous woman!
My newest love Marina, by Lenira and Sebastian
One of my favorite places with one of my favorite people
How very San Francisco of us, at Green Apple Bookstore
These are two of my best men friends, and that means so much to me!
Arn't these two just the bestest?
Yea, it's kinda like that. Me and my wife~

Again, how do I have such beauty in my life? Look at these two!

We really know how to have fun

2007-06-05T17:44:00.001-07:00

I love these people!

(thanks kc for the pics)

It's been a year

2007-06-04T07:22:00.001-07:00

Yes my dear readers

its been a year since i left the city by the bay

and embarked on my East Coast journey.

What can I say

so much so much so much

I feel as if I have accomplished what I needed this year to be

Spent some time outside in the woods figuring out next steps and where I am at in this wild wild Universe of ours

Spent some time here in Jersey realizing that my old demons are just that and I am at peace now with all of it

Realizing that being with my family means being a citizen of the Universe and that is not dictated by one coast or the other, but being present when you are where ever you are, and family is who you love and who loves you

Cut off the slack in my relationships, in my body, in my mind, in my habits. Eliminated a lot and did what I know to do through my practice, without guilt, without shame, without have to's...

Met some good people, experienced many teachers, became excelled at toll booth quarter throwing and merging and becoming a real "driver"

Spent some time with my family, helped free my sister from her jersey jail and my brother from the hurt and the heal that happens after

Had a crazy episode in the north east for a potential job opportunity, learned that you get what you need not what you want

fell in looooooooove

I am definitely proud of my self on many levels. Being a control freak older sister virgo that I can be , it is very difficult for me not to know the how what when why, and then mind meld and analyze it to death. I have tried over and over again to surrender and not be in in the pain of what my plan is or how I think they should be, but otherwise, the beautiful bounty we are presented when we listen to the subtle yearnings our great spirit has planned for us. Definitely been struggling with this lately too. How I think things should be, when in essence I am just getting off track from what is to be and is already planned which is so perfect and so beautiful and so bountiful when we just surrender to the goodness that we are provided exactly what we need.

Deep breath.

I can be stubborn, I am a survivor of much and have always had to do things for myself. I am not whining or crying, just a fact that when no one is doing it for you , when you grow up as a child of parents that need to be parented themselves, you have to be crafty and creative and find ways to be in this world. How then can one "surrender"' then to what the great spirit can provide for you in a way that is open and accepting while taking care of yourself when others that depend on you and at the same time just let it be? When ever I do this, try to just see what happens or let it be, when ever I trust and listen, I am always rewarded in ways that words cannot even capture.

Cornell vs Scott is a good illustration of this.

See, I thought that Cornell was what I had always wanted. Nice cozy University Health care center therapist job in a villagy progressive area. Thought I had Manifested this. It was in my prayers and on the tip of my tongue for every second of every day from November till March. Then one night I wished my hearts true desire, and that very week Cornell was out and Scott was here. Trust. Faith. Surrender. Bam! Now , its not that I do this to be "rewarded", rather, to be reminded that in my world, in my universe, I know that my great spirit, God, Goddess, what ever the hoot you wanna call it, knows me and knows my heart and knows how I am to be used in this world. Not me. Spirit knows that I was desiring a partner to walk with and to be with in this world, to love and to love me and to carry out what is intended for us to provide together. Sorry, I know I am all smushy and open right now, but if you cant hang you are welcome to go back to watching ITUBE or tv or something like that. I just got back from Omega and I am all open and shit again.Jersey Christie is now struggling again with Omega Christie, and Integrated Christie is trying to rule over all of them reminding that she is all one. That is dangerous in Newark where I am right now writing this. I am sick of having this huge wall around me here though, like the cube I sit in (that I am sitting in right now.). This is no way for people to live and I refuse to compromise myself anymore or censor myself to try and protect myself from all of the toxic shit that is out there and trying to make it's way into my body. I was in Dunkin Donuts this morning getting my coffee (my one true vice, plus sugar) and this man walked in with a tumor on the side of his face the size of a small child. I am not lying. It was like something out of south park but it was real. I am usually sensitive to stuff like that and not look but I could not help but look twice. I was so struck by this it actually hurt my body. It reminded me of all of the toxic shit and chemicals and crap and lies we put in our body, and there it is manifested on his face. And there I was contributing to this by buying Dunkin Donuts, probably one of the contributors of the toxins on why he has this growth on my face. I was so open from my weekend at Omega and eating right again and being outside breathing fresh air and being with people from my own planet and synchronicities and being in love (and reminded ) at Hunter Mountain watching Spearhead that I just wanted to throw up right there. Grab him and shake him and help him to realize how all of this contributes to the toxic manifestation that he has the pain of wearing every day. Hug him and not be afraid to look at him and turn him towards things that will help as opposed to staring and being afraid of him like the people on line were. It's too much. It's too much....

I digress...

So yes, this year. This year. I am so thankful for this year. Being in San Francisco last weekend definitely anchored me and bookended what I now know. That to take that risk, to risk everything, meant that I was to find exactly what it is that I truly desired and what I believe spirit wants of me. I have a lot of my questions answered. I am now and I hope to remain more than not open to how I am to be living in this world, how, and where, and who with. The who the what the where the when will always be pecking at the back of my brain. Peck . Peck. Peck. It manifests in my anxiety and crankiness and I thank Scott and Sue and my Mom and all others that it spills onto for dealing with cranky Christie. Especially in the morning when all of this comes up. But I know I just need to take a deep breath, say a prayer, take a walk, give a kiss, and all will be the way it is to be.

Bless....~ *

Post Script:

literally thirty seconds after saving this post I found out that we will be able to go through with out plans for this summer.... you tell me now, hows that for saying yes...

leap and the net shall catch you

San Francisco

2007-05-31T16:32:00.000-07:00

The ladies
my loves who picked me up from the airport with tiaras and huge smiles, even late night, waiting for me with Chinese food , loves my girls

a preview....

more pictures to come, I swear!

The weekend in SF was amazing, so great to see everyone and take S to all my old haunts, very fun! Baker Beach, Presidio, Palace of Fine Arts, North Beach, we left no stone unturned. Even made it to the East Bay for lunch and browsing with J and Rachel (hope you are recovering well my dear, thinking of you!)

London and Neil's wedding was amazing! Was at the Women's Center in Sausalito, just gorgeous, everything was so beautiful. London was smiling so hard it felt like she was going to break out of her body! Got to spend some time dancing, enjoying the music and wine and just warm feeling of the space. So happy for them! Hope they are relaxing, big weddings look like a lot of work~
in the end though everything was perfect and I know they are happy. Look at that back piece! She is one fierce hot bride...

Met Marina, Lenira and Sebastians new babe, what a love! And of course spent time with Dahlia and Gal and Dav who I just worship to pieces...

All in all just a great weekend, too quick but I did get to visit with my very favorite people in the world. Stayed at Dav and Mie and Teslas home with their incredible kitties (thanks m~*) and even though we didn't get to "see" them I feel very close to them being in their space and seeing how "the family" lives- what a great life!

more pics soon I swear, no time, off on another adventure!

In the City

2007-05-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

Can I just brag here for a minute about my man?

This would be him onstage the new HighLand Ballroom in NYC, playing with The Cursed, which is a bunch of guys from different bands including Bobby Blitz from OVERKILL, a very big thrash metal band for those not in the know... Bobby is so so nice, very aware and alive, he and his wife own chocolate shops on the side which is so interesting to me. Metal and Chocolate. I digress...

So yes here he is with his sax, I love that he combines this with metal, just as he did with one of his other bands Dog Eat Dog (more hip hop rap I guess) who still tour. He was with them for a buncha years and saw the world touring and playing his horn. He is gooooood, and damn sexy might I add !

So also there was Joey Belladonna from Anthrax opening for them, and lemme tell ya, he looks the same! It's like they pickled him!

One of my favorite parts was the picture with the three hair guys headbanging to what I believe was an old Overkill song (I could be wrong.. how would I know?) but its as if this moment was made for them, and their hair. You will note the two balding guys behind them giggling about the hair bear scene behind them, very very enjoyable indeed. Quite the treat.

Long day , but great day!

In the Country

2007-05-20T18:30:00.000-07:00

Had a beautiful Sunday

Up and down the East Coast

First, a visit a couple of hours down south to see my Mom for her Birthday with Presley , it was his birthday as well! Can you see the big smile on his face in the picture below? Its because his Grandma spoils him and he is in the Country!

So my Mom is wayyyy into horses and recently she fell in love with the one above, his name is Eat Your Heart Out! So he is a one year old and she "invested" in him to be a race horse, and now visits him almost every day, her new love affair! I absolutely adore the way she is passionate about horses, the way they are raised, the jockey's that ride them, their lineage. So it was only appropriate that I ride down (with her other love Pres) for her birthday and have some fun outside with her boys!

Happy Birthday Mom!

Oldest Daughter

2007-05-18T12:43:00.000-07:00

Yolanda King, the oldest daughter of Martin Luther and Coretta Scott King died this week. She was young, 51. Died on her brothers door step, just like that. Heart Failure or something unexplainable like that. Death is always hardest for those left behind, "reports" say that the family is devastated.

I had the privilege of seeing her speak to an intimate crowd this summer at the Women's Empowerment Conference this summer at Omega. I was *star struck*, feeling as if that was the closest I would ever get to MLK and his wonderful wife Coretta. I just remember looking at her perform (she put on a part of her play) in all of her power, wondering what it must have been like to live with her parents. Knowing as one older daughter to another, what an incredible weight that must have been to have to represent such a family. What a responsibility to live up to!

I haven't known how to speak about this. I have just been feeling "heavy" about it all. Then I just read a blog I really enjoy about it:(http://acommonplacejbl.blogspot.com/ ( a dear friend of Gal's) and it made me think a lot about what it must have been like for her. In his entry he said what I felt, (especially after a very uncomfortable weekend with my father just recently)

from his entry:

I’ve thought often about the King children as well as the children of Malcolm X and Betty Shabbaz, wondered what is it like to grow up without a father, and yet have your life dominated by that father? Do you ever have the opportunity to find out who you are separate from that father? Do you even know that you may have an identity separate from that father whose shadow falls across you like a net of fine mesh? Do you know that you do not have a duty to perpetuate the life of your martyred father? Or is the expectation that your life will exemplify the work and ideals of the father so overwhelming that you never have the opportunity to even imagine that you might have a separate identity? Although my father was not even remotely as famous as the Kings, Malcolm X, and Betty Shabazz, he was a prominent minister in the communities where I grew up, and there was certainly the expectation by him and those communities that I would follow in his footsteps as he had followed in those of his minister father. I almost became a minister, but that urge, that need, that compulsion to write was stronger even than filial duty and my father’s enormous personality. But when I left my parents’ home in 1961, I did so when they were away. Only once did my father allude to how deeply he and my mother had been hurt to come home and find a note on the dining room table: “I have gone to New York.” I had to steal myself in order to become myself.

" I had to steal myself in order to become myself"

So powerful to me I felt like I had just become punched in the gut.

That is exactly what I needed to do as well. Steal myself. Sharing a similar experience, my father is very very very very " Christian" . For the most part , 99percent of the time I really admire his beliefs and the way he walks in the world. Every once in a while though, my father and step mother take a spin on the crazy wheel, and this weekend was one of them. Having just seen my sister off to Colorado I kept saying in my head "run run run, go find yourself away from them the way I did". Sometimes they are so right on it's silly. And sometimes they represent the very ideals I have laid down my life to undue. Myopic ideals such as as anti abortionists who believe in war, (why is one life treated differently than another?)! I really am beyond trying to change his mind. I admire him and respect him for the man he has become, but really this "passionate" discussion about 9/11 and other lovely topics was enough to give me a head check... I did not feel respected in my own belief systems, and it widened the margin a lot on how different we really are.

And here I am full circle, here on the east coast, back at the dinner table with my father, by choice!?! Hrmmph. Unt uh, come again...

Jerry Falwell died this week as well, interesting that two people on very different spectrums on our life wheel chose to leave this week. HMMMMM.

So yea, I thought about Yolanda a lot. What would her father have said about her "acting". Would that have been enough for him? Would they have seen things differently, her being creative, and he, being such an icon? How would that have turned out if he hadn't been stolen from us so soon?

And for the record, I am currently "stealing" myself back...

Rocky Mountain High

2007-05-11T10:23:00.000-07:00

Scenes from last weekend and
Sue's last dinner out
before her big trip to Colorado

be safe little one

Swoooosh Swoooosh Swoooosh

2007-05-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

Guess it's time for an update

Warning:

very long blog post

It's amazing how fast life can come together
when you step out of the way and let it

The past few weeks have been firecrackers
things changing and moving into place
before our very eyes

The long and the short of it
is that I am very thankful
for my faith and insight
that things work out
the way they need to

See after learning I wasn't moving to Ithaca
all bets were off
Newark didn't taste so good after that
before that I was ok
I was ok with Newark
I was a solider
I was doing what I needed to do

it was only temporary
but it was as if I had tasted my sweetest meal
and then got stuck with Farina

Leave stage left:

Sister Susanne
off to California at my urging

bring Mike and Mom
go see the world, and see what is waiting
for you

Enter Scott stage right
this new amazing being in my life
who fits like my best pair of gloves

the jam to my jelly

who sees me gets me gots me good

letting the layers of this sink in

when i think of him,

swoon swoon swoon

Sue comes back
wants to move to Colorado
AT THE VERY SAME TIME
I make this sleepy dreamy comment to Scott
Lets go to OMEGA
next day ok
lets go
its on

Sue is gonna go check out Colorado

Telluride looks good
gonna go see her wide open spaces
How do I do Jersey without her?
dunno yet
gonna put her on a plane on Friday morning
and as much as I want to be here with her

finally

now that we are both here
I know she is me
and needs to roam and see and be
beyond what is here which is not here
I will miss her
I moved here , I thought, to be near her
I know others don't want to hear that
but its true
my provincial dream
to raise babies on the beach with my sister
I really don't ask too much now do I?
we'll see we'll see

are u keeping up?

And then theres my brother Mike

who tried and tried and tried

bless his heart

to love someone

that needed to love herself more

so yes, my brother is living with us now

all three of us under the same roof

hasn't been that way since ....hmmm...

Maybe I was sixteen? crazy....

its good it's fun it's busy

Presley is here full time too which rocks my world also

and his new best friend Scott

will have to replace his two mamas being gone now...

So yes, back to the Shamalamadingdong

(omega for those not in the know)

won't be there till later in the summer

but I am so so so ready

for trees and green and people living

activated inspired healthy beings

beyond the fast food chains and tolls and

waste of the nj parkway

beyond who was on american idol

and the death toll of a wasted generation

not worrying about

if the bridesmaids dressess match the flowers

engaging in

things I care about

doing things that matter

to me

And I am so excited

to bring my love with me

and see how he grows and ripens and shares himself

and all that he has to teach as well

I learn something from him, every day

to enjoy and be and sleep cozy in the trees

to witness the fireflies and deer and things that grow wild...

So there it is

at least, for now

which is really the only thing we have,

really~*

The Miracle

2007-05-07T11:29:00.000-07:00

"We live on the edge of the miraculous every minute of our lives. The miracle is in us, and it blossoms forth the moment we lay ourselves open to it. The miracle of miracles is the stubbornness with which men refuse to open themselves up. Our whole life seems to be nothing more but a frantic effort to evade that which is constantly in our grasp."

~Henry Miller

Beautiful Days

2007-05-03T08:13:00.000-07:00

This weekend S and I had the ultimate pleasure
to attend a joint discussion with both of our favorite authors
Marianne Williamson and
Wayne Dyer

Below is a glimse of why they are such great beings
It feels amazing to have men and women walk in broad steps
and model the change you are and want to be

and if you haven't already
check out Mariannes Peace Alliance
http://www.thepeacealliance.org/content/view/181/147/
created to design the very first U.S. department of Peace!

Dear God,
May every aspect of my being be converted to Truth.
May every cell fall into placeand serve a higher plan.
I no longer wish to be who I was.
I wish to be more.
Amen
Marianne Williamson
From Illuminated Prayers

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

"It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there's nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized." Wayne Dyer

"A non-doer is very often a critic-that is, someone who sits back and watches doers, and then waxes philosophically about how the doers are doing. It's easy to be a critic, but being a doer requires effort, risk, and change."Wayne Dyer

May Day

2007-05-01T08:08:00.000-07:00

Love May First

International Workers Day!

Belatane!

May Pole's !

Lots and lots and lots of sexiness

Whats not to love?

Here is a well written article about one of my favorite Sabbats, and it includes references to one of my favorite books The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley. Enjoy!

Oh yea, and it's the Full Moon! Haaazah!

Beltane is an old Celtic Fire Ritual which celebrates, at the most fundamental level, the end of winter and the beginning of the warmer, lighter half of the year. It is the counterpart to Samhain, which marks the Pagan New Year and celebrates ancestors and the death of the crops (harvest). Beltane celebrates life. For the Celts, it was a festival that insured fertility and growth.
Beltane is one of the four major Sabbats in the Celtic tradition, the other three being Lammas, Samhain and Imbolc. Beltane's traditional date, May 1st, was chosen as the midway point between the vernal equinox and summer solstice (two of the four minor Sabbats). Due to the change in the earth's axis of rotation over time, this point is now closer to May 5th, and some pagans observe May 5th as "Old Beltane," but the traditional date is still favored.
Beltane, much like Samhain, has changed over the years. Some traditions existed only in a single village, while others were found throughout the culture. It is believed that Beltane is a Celtic reinvention of an even older Roman festival, Floralia, which celebrated the goddess Flora and the flowering of spring. Most major religions have a holiday that marks the coming of spring. The Christian religion celebrates rebirth (or resurrection) on Easter; Easter eggs, Easter bunnies, chicks, and lilies are all pagan symbols of fertility associated with spring, adapted to the Christian tradition. The Hindu religion celebrates Holi, a carnival-like spring festival, dedicated to Krishna or Kama, the God of Pleasure. This festival resembles Beltane, with bonfires being a main focus of the holiday.
A maiden gathers woodfor the Beltane fire.
Traditionally, Beltane festivities began days before May 1st or "May Day," when villagers traveled into the woods to gather the nine sacred woods needed to build the Beltane bonfires. The tradition of "May Boughing" or "May Birching" involved young men fastening garlands of greens and flowers on the windows and doors of their prospective ladyloves before the fires are lit Beltane night. As with many Celtic customs, the type of flowers or branches used carried symbolic meaning, and much negotiating and courting could be worked out ahead of time.
Many communities elected a virgin as their "May Queen" to lead marches or songs. To the Celts, she represented the virgin goddess on the eve of her transition from Maiden to Mother. Depending on the time and place, the consort might be named "Jack-in-the-Green" or "Green Man," "May Groom" or "May King." The union of the Queen and her consort symbolized the fertility and rebirth of the world.
The tradition of choosing a symbolic goddess and god as official participants in the Beltane ritual captured Marion Zimmer Bradley's imagination in her novel The Mists of Avalon. In Bradley's retelling of the King Arthur legend, the Beltane celebration is a sacred ritual involving a high-ranking male and female virgin to represent the God and Goddess. The god in this case is called the "King Stag"; he must run through the woods with a pack of deer, followed by his own huntsmen, and only after he has successfully locked antlers with and killed a stag that he can return to the festival and claim his right as consort to the Goddess. Other couples also celebrate in this way, but it is only these two who become the God and Goddess incarnate.
Because the Celtic day started and ended at sundown, the Beltane celebration would begin at sundown on April 30th. After extinguishing all hearth fires in the village, two Beltane fires were lit on hilltops. The villagers would drive their livestock between the fires three times, to cleanse them and insure their fertility in the coming summer, and then put them to summer pasture. Then the human part of the fertility ritual would begin.
As dancing around the bonfires continued through the night, customary standards of social behavior were relaxed. It was expected that young couples would sneak off into a ditch, the woods or, better yet, a recently plowed field for a little testing of the fertility waters. Even after hand-fasting was replaced by the Christian tradition of monogamous marriage, the Beltane ritual continued with a new tradition: all marriage vows were temporarily suspended for the festival of Beltane. Many a priest would lament the number of virgins despoiled on this one night, but the tradition persevered. Babies born from a Beltane union were thought to be blessed by the Goddess herself.
Another use of the Beltane fires was for a purification ritual using a scapegoat or Fool. Special cakes made out of egg, milk and oatmeal, called bannocks, were passed around in a bonnet. One piece of bannock was charred, and whoever chose this piece was the Fool for that year's Beltane; it was believed that any misfortune would fall on the Fool, sparing the rest of the people. It is now generally believed to be a myth that the Fool was ever burned as a human sacrifice; this seems to have stemmed from Christian priests and their attempts to condemn Beltane festivities. Later customs called for the Fool to leap three times through the Beltane fire, and according to earlier customs the Fool was banned from all Beltane activity.
Beltane, like Samhain, is a time when the veil between the worlds is thought to be thin, a time when magic is possible. Whereas Samhain revelers must look out for wandering souls of the dead, Beltane merrymakers must watch for Fairies. Beltane is the night when the queen of the fairies will ride out on her white steed to entice humans away to Faeryland. If you hear the bells of the Fairy Queen's horse, you are advised to look away, so she will pass you by; look at the Queen and your sense alone will not hold you back! Bannocks were also sometimes left for the Fairies, in hopes of winning their favor on this night.
The maypole, which was either a permanent feature or cut in a ceremony during the gathering of the nine sacred woods, was a symbolic union of the God and Goddess. The maypole itself represented the male, a phallus thrust into mother earth, while the ribbons that were wound around it represent the enveloping nature of the woman and her womb. The maypole was usually danced after sunrise, when disheveled men and women would stagger back into town carrying flowers they picked in the forests or fields. The area around the maypole was decorated with the flowers, and then the winding of the ribbons would begin. Sometimes the flowers were put into baskets and left on the doorsteps of people who were too ill or old to attend the Beltane celebrations. In this way, the entire town could participate in the joys of the coming spring.

Death of the Bees

2007-04-25T11:18:00.000-07:00

The Honey bees are dying off !

Did you know this? Have you heard about this? Without bees, you can say good bye to plants. Without plants, you can say good bye to... you guessed it... everything.

Albert Einstein said once said that if the bees disappeared, humankind would last only four years ...

If you don't believe me, or think this is ridiculous, do your own research

No one in the states is really talking about it, most of the rest of the world is... huge surprise. Who can care about the bees when there is Imus and Britney to worry about?
sigh....
I'm heading back to the woods people. Seriously.

Cell phones possibly causing death of honey bees

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=nation_world&id=5213903

April 16, 2007 - Honey bees are dying off, and cell phones may be to blame.
Bees have been disappearing in 24 states, and beekeepers estimate more than a quarter of the country's 2.4 billion colonies have been affected.
Previously, scientists thought dry weather or pesticides may have been the cause, but a new German study shows that radiation from cell phone signals disorients bees.
"When bees are exposed to signals from cell phones, they can't find their way," said Dr. George L. Carlo, chairman of the Safewireless Initiative. "It gets no nutrition and it consequently dies."
Scientists say it's too soon to put the blame on anyone thing.. But, whatever the cause is, it could force a rise in consumer prices on food because honeybees are used to pollinate a third of the nation's agricultural crops.

Death of the Bees
Harley L. Sachs
Northern Express

Scientists buzz over Colony Collapse Disorder Forget global warming. Forget being struck by a giant meteorite. Forget a cataclysmic earthquake or eruption of the Yellowstone volcanic complex. You can even forget al Quaida. The most credible and impending threat to our lives is happening right now. It’s the death of bees.In our ecology everything is linked. Overfishing sharks on east coast waters inadvertently caused the shortage of oysters and scallops, for the rays that eat those important food crops are themselves prey for sharks; but the sharks are almost gone because of shark fin soup. It’s an example of the unanticipated results of human activity.We in the Midwest can live without scallops and oysters, but we can’t live without foods pollinated by honeybees. Albert Einstein once said that if the bees disappeared, humankind would last only four years. Our basic food chain depends on the bees, and that essential link to our survival is disappearing fast.VITAL RESOURCEThe story has been underreported in the United States, but is major news in Europe. Here’s the view from Professor Joergen Tautz of Wurzburg University, Germany, quoted in Der Spiegel, the country’s equivalent to *Time* magazine:“Bees are vital to bio diversity. There are 130,000 plants for example for which bees are essential to pollination, from melons to pumpkins, raspberries and all kind of fruit trees - as well as animal fodder - like clover.” Almonds, apples, pears, and other fruit trees depend on the bees. And without fodder, cattle will starve. Just how bad is it? As Der Spiegel reported, millions of beehives in Spain, northern Croatia, Poland, Greece, Switzerland, Italy and Portugal have died. In the last year, 40% of European beehives have been lost. In some parts of the United States, the loss of hives is as high as 70%. If you are a customer for honey, you’ve already seen it at the grocery store. Currently, it’s about four dollars a pound, up from around $3 a pound last summer.MITE ATTACKSBees have been in trouble for years from mite infestation. The varroa mite is a parasite that gets between the scales of the bee’s abdomen and sucks its blood. Those mites have damaged many hives, and there’s no effective way to kill the parasites without also killing the bees. Beekeepers are desperate. Their hives are trucked from crop to crop during pollinating season. Imagine the horror when the beekeeper opens the truck and finds half the hives are dead. One almond grower said only about half of his trees will be pollinated this season. Usually, when a bee dies in the hive, the other bees remove the corpse, but in the hives now affected, there are no dead bees outside the hive. The bees are simply gone. One theory is that something in what the bees are exposed to (such as a pesticide or herbicide) causes them to lose their sense of direction; they get lost, can’t find their way back to the hive, and they die a few days later. Normally, when a hive is abandoned, other bees and insects will raid its store of honey, but in the case of hives killed off by this mysterious malady, other bees stay away. There’s something toxic that they sense and they avoid it.KILLING AGENTS?The death of the bees has been given a name and an acronym - “Colony Collapse Disorder” (CCD). There’s much frantic speculation on the cause. Some scientists believe that it’s the result of Monsanto and other agribusiness companies splicing genes into new varieties of corn and/or the spraying of pesticides and insecticides. Specially-modified corn is not much used in Europe, only .06% in Germany, compared with 40% in the United States. Affected bees come down with a number of simultaneous infections and diseases, an indication that their immune systems have been affected. Whatever it is that’s killing them, if the bees become extinct, as Einstein claimed, we may not be far behind.Animals do become extinct. Thanks to human activity, the passenger pigeon, the dodo, and hundreds of other species have disappeared. Other species show an ability to evolve. The mosquito has been resistant to certain pesticides. Tuberculosis and staph infections have developed new strains. Rats attacked with Warfarin poison have developed immunity and become super rats. If we are very lucky, the bees may develop a resistance to whatever it is that is killing them.With 70% of bees already gone in some parts of America, it may be too late for the honey bee, and, in turn, too late for us. We are now in the second or third year since this die-off began. Visit the web site www.hu.mtu.edu/~hlsachs where you can listen to two stories, read a third, read reviews, and find links to the publishers of my books.

From the Bergen Record:
About bees
One-third of our daily diet comes from crops pollinated by honeybees.
The population of a healthy hive in midsummer can average between 40,000 and 80,000 bees.
Honeybees fly at roughly 7 mph -- and have to flap their wings 190 times per second to do so.
Honeybees may travel as far as 55,000 miles and visit more than 2 million flowers to gather enough nectar to make just 1 pound of honey.
Honeybees have five eyes.
A queen, the largest bee in the hive, can lay up to 3,000 eggs per day.
Honeybees collect nectar and store it as honey in their hives. Nectar and honey provide the energy for the bees' flight muscles and for heating the hive during the winter.
Honeybees air-condition their hive in summer --worker bees situate themselves at the entrance to the hive and fan their wings.
Source: U.S. Department of Agriculture

FANTASTICO

2007-04-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

I haven't even talked about the big storm yet~ lots happening, not lotsa time to blog, but lets catch u up:

Had a huge storm here last week which flooded the North West, my neighbors in the next town being boated outta there homes. Mother Nature doing a little check check- one two one two on us. All around you see the bundles of basements out on the sidewalks, this is what happens when the dam bursts and we are not conscious of the gifts we are given.

Went for a gorgeous hike on Saturday with mum and Sue and Presley, lots of branches down and full rivers flowing. Devastatingly beautiful. Just a lovely day with the family topped off with dinner with them and S and a movie. Lots of lovin family time.

Then off on Sunday to Middletown to see Celeste perform on stage at the Paramount. Had the big "boyfriend meeting the parents" scenario which went splendidly as I knew it would.

I am very thankful for the simple beautiful things in my life right now. Each week brings a new and unexpected twist and turn in my family. People moving, separating, coming together, its hard sometimes to catch up. But as my Dad reminded me of two summers ago when I was contemplating making this big change in my life, we just have to be and continue in the rhythm and the pace of the river which is flowing~

Birthday Boy ~*

2007-04-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday! Celebrated S's Bday at a delish raw food restaurant~

Pure Food and Wine in the city around Union Square. Just a beautiful subterranean spot with gorgeous dishes layered and all raw, meaning nothing is cooked above a certain temperature to retain the nutrients our food gives us.

Have been re-introduced to this very creative, healthy and delicious way to eat through him~ one of the many things he is passionate about.

For the food porn enthusiasts check out the menu:
http://www.purefoodandwine.com/
The pictures came out over exposed but we had the
Dolmas and Samosas
White Corn Tamales with Raw Cocoa Mole
Chanterelle and Kalamata Olive Ravioli
Chocolate Tini
White Sangria

The chocolate molten lava cake cake was outta control, with a peppercorn pink vanilla ice cream

You can just tell how people there care about food and how everyone just glows,
including us!

How do you make ice cream and cake raw? Or anything really? It's a lot easier than you think. I am still in the process of obsorbing it all and will report back soon, but mostly through a lot of raw nuts and veg, you can make anything - really! And it tastes better than the real deal. Scott made a raw lasangna last week for my sister (awww) which he used zucchini in place of the pasta, and it totally worked- even better to me than the "real deal" and I didn't feel bloated or outta sorts like I do when I eat pasta.

Anyway, sorry to take up your bday post with all this talk about raw food, but knowing you, it's exactly what you would have wanted anyhow. Hope you had a beautiful day darlin~ I am so happy to be spending this time with you-
so glad u were born~*

oh magnolia

2007-04-18T14:35:00.000-07:00

Usually the first to show themselves in Spring

I had one in my "backyard" in San Francisco that I would just stare at for hours and hours and hours

These are the beauties in Scotts backyard right after the storm

Today their leaves are scattered all over the yard, a beautiful reminder of the first two weeks of spring

I-am-ish at the Amish

2007-04-18T14:10:00.000-07:00

First, ish is the best word ever
it captures it all
while being non-committal

I am ish at the Amish came out when we were hanging, me and my word smithy companion Moss, way underslept after staying up all night watching videos like teenagers havin a sleep over

Here's Moss
being caffeinated at my fav store
in Hells Kitchen
The Amish Market

Just gorgeous produce and food from all over the world
Quality Quality Quality

Had the best time this weekend in the city tra la laaing all over

Saw some really good friends
Went to a slinky Speak Easy
that makes drinks the way they should be made- Thanks Moss, can't wait to see you again!

Had to leave a bit early because of the intense Nor Easter that hit us, Thunder and Lightening Oh my! Had a fun day being lazy lazy lovey though, thanks S!

Scenes from an Urban Garden

2007-04-17T14:13:00.000-07:00

From Hell's Kitchen Garden

Twirley Whirley Photoshoot

2007-04-16T14:25:00.000-07:00

These are the pictures I took
while Scott was creating music

Divine Inspiration

Cuties

2007-04-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

Saw my favorite family this weekend Karina and Syrus and Jett and Stephan

Isn't he the cutest? Got so so big! What a love...

My Friend Jett

2007-04-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

Our photoshoot
of funny faces
We took them ourselves
This seems to be a theme for me lately
(see: funny faces with Dad and Scott)
They are silly
but I am creating a library of bad pictures of myself
so what
it's fun

She's so rock and roll
She slays me

Fantastic Friday the 13th

2007-04-13T14:03:00.000-07:00

Went into the City on Friday to see a Poetry reading and meet my friend Helema from Omega , isn't she the cutest?

Way too much sugar way too much cuteness way too much time on my hands...

2007-04-08T16:43:00.000-07:00

Easter Weekend

2007-04-08T16:40:00.000-07:00

Blessed at The Cursed

2007-04-07T09:41:00.000-07:00

Went to see my man toot his horn (Sax)
in a group venue last night

My Staten Island Cherry was popped
and lordy let me tell ya
it was sooooo good

Dig if you will
1987
eye candy everywhere we turned
I thought 87 in Jersey rocked
we got nothing on S.I.

It was a lot of fun
and just a thrill to watch Scott
play live

It's good to know
that somewhere in the world
Metal and '87 rock on...

Blissed Out

2007-04-05T16:18:00.000-07:00

Yep, thats a good start on how to explain it all...

Spinning Spinning Spun

2007-04-02T09:54:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here at my desk reeling

someone ,something flipped a switch

and everything went zoom zoom zoom

life death change birth love life

this past week has been a twirly whirl indeed

My heart is heavy with the loss of my dear sisters baby

baby spirits are like that

they come when they are ready

and move away when they are not

and come back when they are

in their own time

in the creators own time

not in ours not in ours

We are merely vessels ~ channels~ hosts

but why is it so damn hard? how can this hurt so much?

and to her, to her?

but of course I know my girl will willingly embrace what it is

that she needs to know and feel and be

but in the meantime

it hurts it hurts

I am holding you my dear,

what ever you need,

when ever you need it

take your time

swoosh

and then life

Two babies this week

the beautiful Isla of Shannon and Eli

and Marina the Princess of Lenira and Sebastian

at the very same time we are abundant and flooding this earth

with powerful women who will move forward with that we leave behind

my heart is full with the wonder of birth and what is to be for these dear spirits

I am hopeful with all of these powerful gorgeous radiant beings that have arrived

and then some birthing of my own

spinning around

settling into what now why how

and wondering what was to come

you come

and you are here

and I see you

and I am here

finally

my heart explodes

you are here

and i know you meet me there

poof swoosh pow swoon

yes, yes, and yes

passover begins at sundown

full moon is now

spinning spinning spun

How it is...

2007-03-26T21:26:00.000-07:00

Love perfected and whole, you arrive.
Words throng my soul but none come out.
A traveler meets his joy and his despair at once.
Dying of thirst, I stand here with spring waterflowing
around my feet.

~ by Maulana Jalalu'ddin Rumi

In Form

2007-03-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

My dear friend L~ is engaged in the largest transformation of her life as I write.

Let me begin by saying that this is one woman who is ACtivated and ALive and conscious and has been an amazing sister and teacher to me.

She is the woman I go to as my Spiritual and Universal Confidant, I look to her in how to walk in this world and know that she looks right back at me

And in this moment she is beginning to give birth

She has stepped into this role wide eyed and electric

She knows she has what it takes to bring it forth and give and serve and nurture

She has been preparing for it her whole life

I love you Lenira, I will be over here holding you and lighting the way.

This is for you, I heard you and I am reposting it as you so lovingly sent it to us a while ago

I AM conciousness in form.......witnessing this experience...

I know that the path before me is wide open...
I walk in joy and beauty where ever I go...
My vision is clear and I see the truth of love hiding behind every veil...
I keep my heart soft and open.....
I am gentle and loving with this body, heart, mind...

I observe the rising and passing of thoughts, feelings and sensations with love and compassion....

I celebrate this body vehicle....exactly as it is....RIGHT NOW...

I express myself with clarity and kindness...
I know that when I speak from my heart I am heard....regardless of how others respond.
My entire being is infused with a pure light that others recognize and respond to with loving kindness and appreciation...
I care for myself with the same tenderness that a loving parent cares for their child with...
When challenging situations arise in my life,
I relax and trust that everything is working out for everyones best interest, encluding my own...
Even when I dont' exactly understand the how and the why of it all,
I know that everything is happening for the greater good....
I walk the razors edge of loving connection and non-attatchment...
always, here and now....
I allow life and LOVE to inhale me and exhale me fully....
with every inhale I stretch and open to recieve....
and with every exhale I release and let go.....
In the infinite spiral of life I see that every end is a beginning and every beginning is an end....
and in fact, there is no beginning or end to anything....
There is just an infinite stream of beingness that flows threw me as freely and as joyously as I allow it to.....
I live each moment TOTALLY....as if it were the very last.... and like a beautifully opening flower dancing in a golden meadow,
I celebrate my here and now.....bending with grace and ease in the changing winds of life...
I welcome the sun and the wind...the rain and the rainbows........

I take every opportunity to show my love.....

and to express my gratitude....THANK YOU GOD IN ME!!!! NAMASTE.
It is very safe for me to express my vulnerability....and be real about my feelings and my needs...
I stand strong in my soft power...
And like a wild and free river I flow with life... resisting nothing....at peace with everything...
sparkling and shinning with the lite of a billion suns...
happy just to be alive.

Sprung

2007-03-20T07:28:00.000-07:00

Longest day of the year, indeed

Happy Spring!

If the winter solstice signals the birth of the sun, then the spring equinox exclaims the birth of the earth. The resurrection of nature from the dark death of winter. The life, which has stayed hidden, in exile or underground, during the long deep sleep of the season, now shifts and starts to stir. Poking andpeeking, it seeks the surface. The space. The air. The light.Striving, stretching skyward, life breaks new ground. Bulbs,shoots and buds burst forth from the earth, exploding open,exposing their tender green growth. The sweet sap rises.The birth waters break. The skies open. It rains, it pours, it mists,it drips fertilizing fluids from the heavens. The air is damp like a baby's bottom. The land is soaked. The mud, like mucous, likeafterbirth. The defrosting sodden soil is teeming, churning withevery creepy crawly thing that ever slithered out of a swamp.Hordes of birds descend, drawn by the juicy feast.

Animals awaken from their pregnant hibernations, skinny and starving and sucklingtheir young. Birds and beasts, alike, set out on a concerted feedingfrenzy, gorging themselves and their ravenous, insatiable, mouths-ever-open offspring.It is as if the great egg of the whole world has hatched.The egg, the symbol of life, of birth, has come over the millennia tosignify the season of spring. For it is then that the aspect of fertilityand rebirth within the cycle is so overwhelmingly evident. Clearly,the egg stands for spring.

The egg, in fact, stands at spring. Actually stands up on its end at the moment of the Vernal Equinox. Stands at attention as the sun crosses the equator into the northern hemisphere.Stands in salute to spring.

This was created by the lovely Mama Donna, my City Shaman

Agreed...

2007-03-18T12:48:00.000-07:00

Have you ever read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz ? I read this a few years ago and enjoyed it very much. It's simple in words, but not in practice. Enjoy!

Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

I am almost ready to talk about it

2007-03-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

It started as a joke

Rolling around the NY Times job ad's for my destiny
I applied cause I had a few free hours and thought it would be funny
I didn't think anything of it

Then two months later they invited me for an interview...a really intense phone interview. Didn't hear anything for a long time. Started a new job. Was honored they had even considered me.

Let me back up~

Last month I was invited to Cornell University to interview for a Counseling/Therapist position there. Let me start with this is my dream job, beyond my expectations. World class health center, incredible inspiring professionals, full spectrum of services to a diverse population.

The invitation was to come to Ithaca to interview, all expenses paid and would I please create a fourty minute clinical case presentation for fourty people? Choke gasp breathe.... sure. Of course. I had been waiting for this call for months. I applied back in December, and here it was, calling... knocking on my door. Dig if you will me teaching my sorry ass power point and creating a presentation, buying a suit (yes I did, I am really a grown up now... well, a XT version of a suit anyhow) and making travel arrangements all in under a week. I was a solider. I haven't worked that hard or put my passion into something like this... well.. maybe ever. Maybe applying to grad school, but I had a lot more time. Anyway...

The trip was amazing. My sis and I drove up. Rolling hills, farmlands, rivers and lakes, just pure unadulturated beauty. A far cry from the mini malls and power plants that has become my scenery here in the beautiful Garden State. Breezy (my sis) is such a power house. Such a bad ass. I call her *ON STAR* because even though she's never been somewhere she knows exactly where she was going. Anyway... Started with a pretty formal dinner with a few supervisors and the Director. Just amazing easy inspiring conversation. Easy. But thoughtful. I was careful but also very me. Totally put me at ease, these great minds who were pioneers and "mavericks" in our field. But my people. Super down to earth, whip smart, and funny funny funny.

Next day was a long one. Breakfast with my would be Supervisor, a PhD from Michigan, super relaxed and very accomplished. Made me at ease. Whipped out my presentation, the best I had ever performed it. Relaxed confident informed. Got incredible feedback. Can't believe that was me standing up there. Had a million other interviews after that including one with the Director of the whole health center, the daughter of the former President of Cornell. She was very wonderful as well. Loved loved loved the staff. Completely engaged and activated and ready to do this work. Social activists and multicultural pioneers. Dig it dig it. Went for a tour of the campus (just to die for gorgeous) and town, to show me "real estate" . Said they were "recruiting" me (Kinda like in "The Firm" but without the bad scary parts with a New England twist). Ended the night at an incredible dinner with a few of my maybe co-workers, having a much needed glass of wine and lots and lots of laughs. I could relax now... phew. Went back to my gorgeous hotel room and couldn't believe this was my life. Cornell was wooing me. Whoa.

It's not something I talk about a lot, but I know I work hard and I am good at what I do. It is a natural gift, a skill set, and something I have also worked hard to know and feel and study and do for the past 13 years. It is a big part of who I am, so to have this opportunity was to remind me that I have worked hard, reminded me of what I am worth. Not that I need Cornell to tell me this, because I have worked in mice and cockroach infested hotels doing the same work, and that feels just as worthy as well. To me, this was an opportunity to try something new. Take a breath. Work at a new level/model of providing services. I could care less about the Ivy League bleh bleh, if anything, this was a turn off. I wanted to bring the jewels of what I have learned from my TEACHERS who are my clients to them, to remind them of what is needed, what is important. Not the name or the degree, but the simple basic needs that we all miss in the drive to do what we think is important.

I had always wanted to work at a University or College and be a counselor. It's just a thriving community. I thrive in community. Ever since I was recruited by my own college counselor to be a Resident Advisor. I just knew I wanted her job. So this was big. big. big.

Cornell is just beautiful. Ithaca is dreamy. Small but big enough, liberal but diverse, multi cultural, co-ops health food stores yoga studios dance places thai food small art movie houses rolling hills gorgeous anciet buildings next to newer modern architecture clean air lakes lakes gorges water falls commuity gardens vineyards affordable housing..... I could go on and on.

Basically everything I have been manifesting that I need to come into my life. It's still hard to wrap around my brain... And then nothing. I heard nothing for four weeks. I didn't write about it because I am superstitious.

They had one more candidate after me to interview. Three in all. Three after months and months of advertising. Three. For a few weeks (now months since I have applied) I have been in limbo land. Literally. Do I plan my life here for a while? Join a gym? Start dating someone here?Or do I look for apartments in Ithaca. Get the moving vans ready.

Total stand still emotionally, trying to be in my new job in my new life yet maybe knowing I am moving into something else. See-Saw See-Saw. Indecision is deadly with a Virgo Intellect. Not knowing is our poison. We are planners. Do-ers. Knowers. It's been a challenge. But all in all I have been breezy and doing my thing. Phew.

All I have to say is that I am a very patient girl. I am really hungry to dig into this life of mine. I am present and living my life as it is now, but looking forward to manifest in ways that arn't about Jersey. As Jess says I am an Oak living a birds life. I need to nest. But where, but where, the journey continues.

I learned yesterday that I will not be going to Ithaca.

It was interesting timing.

I was having a day where I really felt like my job here is gonna be ok .At first when I was on the phone with the Director telling me they selected someone else, I was in shock. I was also really strung out on a dare to drink a Diet Mountain Dew (I am the health nut in the office and it was a dare, I felt like my clients all strung out...

I really thought this was it. Really I did. Last week though I started feelin like it wasn't gonna happen. And I know why it didn't. In terms of the team, they are trying to build up their diversity, Cornell is all about diversity right now, and even though I have been called "cocoa", I am still one more white girl in a field flooded with them. The director all but outed himself in telling me why I couldn't be there. " You are amazing and we thought your presentation was incredible, you are an excellent clinician" blah blah blah.

I understand this. I believe in the reasons why it is necessary to have a multicultural team. I would've done the same thing in their position, and I have in hiring in the past. But it still stings... I am frustrated that I put so much time and energy into manifesting this. I know I know, I already know what you are gonna say. "What a good experience" or "well, now you know what you really want". Thats all great n shit n thanks, but really I wonder why I put myself through these emotional gymastics to begin with.

Part of me is relieved though. The cold, the grey, of Ithaca. The suicide capital of the world. Not being able to be super compassionate to the Ivy league snobs. The whole frat element I have been avoiding foreva. ETc Etc Etc. This is what I am tellingmyself anyway.

I am grateful for my surprisingly good attitude though. I was having a day where I really felt like my job here is gonna be ok. Finally getting it. I didn't know if I would or not. For a while I didn't let myself thinking I might be moving on. But now it's good. Really liking the people, the commute is better. I can see Manhattan from my window. In my groove. I am here, for now.

I love my home. I love being able to leave my door open and have a walk around the lake and wear a skirt without remorse. I love that my Mom and brother can just stop over for dinner. Love spending time with Presley and having parking and I'm getting really good at shooting quarters into the toll booth. It's good stuff.

Then there's my fight or flight, ready to go back to SF. My mom said last night "Well, whats keeping us all here, lets go to California!". Are you shitting me? So see, there are a world of possiblilities. I am yearning for Omega too. It's a strong itch.

So yes, my wings are still on. And I am still trying to be patient and figure out where in the world I am supposed to be, while trying to be content and full where I actually am.

This is the gypsy way ~this, I am used to.

Kiss me I'm Irish

2007-03-15T08:44:00.000-07:00

Your Leprechaun Name Is:

Sneaky Potfiller

What's" Your Leprechaun Name?

which is so true!

Rawk Star

2007-03-11T17:52:00.000-07:00

Spent the weekend in Pennsylvania with my parents which is so relaxing and easy, compared to the hustle and bustle of the metropolis I call home *right now*. My older sister Celeste is an accomplished musician and singer, and we had a chance to actually go and see her perform this weekend. She blows me away, she is so good. So comfortable too, and she's only been doing this for about two years. One day she just said "I wanna sing" and poof, she threw herself in to it, so dilligent, so diciplined, so talented. Goes to show if you want something bad you can do it with perserverance and hard work. Love her, love that, isn't she just gorgeous? She is to my right, Sue is to my left. People say we look a lot a like even though she is my "step" sister.

I love how my family uses music. My (step) brother Tony is a drummer, as is his step brother (his father re-married as well , a very functional dysfunctional family yes yes ) Chris Corsano just got a gig touring with Bjork (love her). My other brother Mike is very inclined as well with guitar and knowlege of punk etc. .. Sue is definately on her way to great things with her IPOD : ). And then there is me. My singing has been latent as of lately, except in my car where I am the best singer eva!

And because I haven't posted recently, here is Presley in his jacket that he hates cause he's feelin a bit round lately...needs to be walkin more I'm thinkin! So not the girl to dress the little dawg up, but it's cold ya'll....

Scaffolding

2007-03-07T10:16:00.000-08:00

(photo by tt)

Missin my peeps big right now

It's hard being here sometimes, especially with the time difference and hating the phone
feel very far away right now...

We are all going through some amazing changes

with L being so so preggers, and T being little preggers

Sara and London getting hitched Tameeza's finishing school N' big plans coming soon

Gali moving and etc and Jess and Rachel holding it down for Oaktown

Graceopenheart taking on her new position

Sue searching for a new job new life new directions

Mie and Katia raising their gorgeous creatures and being radiant beings

and all the countless others I love and know and miss dearly

and me

in a minute of limbo with hopefully some grand plans to announce soon

"Scaffolding"

this just comes to mind
for all of the changes the evolution the fruition
at least this is what I am feelin

get it?

such a UC Berkeley word
(I dated this guy once who also went there and I almost tore his clothes off just for knowing how to use the term)

this is where I am at

Just in case let me break it down:

There's this big dark cover over the building, and all these ladders and construction on the outside. It seems hectic and forboding.
It may look confusing and secretive on the surface,
you might not wanna walk too close
may peek through one of the air holes but it looks phrenetic and tossled

But when the big reveal happens, you won't be able to believe all of the shiny goodness
strong foundation big beautiful windows glimmering towers
and you'll know that all of the work was worth it

but see thats the deal

we are always being created we are always creating

a work in progress but perfect in all of the ways that we are

reaching for the next phase and glorious in this one

the trick is to be in it to win it

but know just know, that you have already won

thank you for your patience while I am under construction
love yous miss yous i am always with yous

Remember This

2007-03-05T07:07:00.000-08:00

Autobiography in Five Chapters

1. I walk down the street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalkI fall in. I am lost.... I am hopeless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

2. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it.I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

3. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there. I still fall in... it's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

4. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

5. I walk down another street.

Nyoshul Khenpo

A burner paid for my toll today....

2007-02-28T06:23:00.002-08:00

Driving driving driving in the mornin has made me hard....
I wake up at the crack of dawn to merge onto three different arteries
Filled with tolls and traffic and cranky morning commuters
And I have become one of them
I can actually feel the wrinkles being created from my frown
no joke

Even my friends have commented that that light n' airy feeling
I acquired from livin in the woods in UTOPIA this summer
has been replaced
by a hard crunchy candy coating on the outside....
A common mantra in my head is
"it's called merge you f$#@!! whore..."
no joke

but this morning reminded me
from where I come

In my mind, in my Jersey mind
the beginning of it started with this "idiot" driver at the toll booth
not really knowing what he/she was doing,
cutting over two lanes of traffic
to cut off my perfectly justified fellow traveler in front of me

Well he had had it,
and skipped over to the other lane as she just stopped
dead stopped sideways in front of the toll booth
how dare....

so that would be me in back of her, my mind racing with caffiene and adreneline and morning radio
at the thought of just another idiot behind the wheel
when all of the sudden I see it...

The man, the Bman, on the back of her car...

Aww shit! Well now, she's just a crunchy burner who don't know how to drive.. ahhhh.
I'll cut her some slack. In fact, the bumper sticker has now made me smile. Whereas in the Bay Area I would cry "conformist" upon seeing this sticker, maybe even a bit disgusted at the mass marketing of my beloved man now hanging from the back of the bumper,
I wanted to
RUN OUT OF MY CAR AND HUG HER
People from my own planet! So what she can't drive...

After quite a while, she moves on...
The toll booth maiden then informs me with a point, and a big smile on her face:
"That lady just paid for your toll"
"Isn't she beautiful" I cry out
And she shakes her head and agrees
understanding the mundane beauty of all of it!

My eyes well up
I get it
my own little burner angel

Did she know? Could she tell? You know how burners can spot each other...
Had she noticed me on the highway? Is that why she cut off the other guy in front?

Of course I think I am special and that it is all about me
but truth be told,
this is what our people do...
and where as I was so burnt out on this "pay it forward" mentality of my homeland SF
I needed this so so so much this morning...

Gratitude

2007-02-26T20:17:00.000-08:00

Wish Me Luck!

2007-02-20T10:40:00.000-08:00

Keep your fingers crossed

Say a prayer

Light a candle

Wish me Luck

What ever can do to send me good loving calm prosperous wishes this week, I would so appreciate it!

I promise I will explain it all when I get back! ; )

Happy New Year!

2007-02-18T10:28:00.000-08:00

Chinese Astrology-
Year of the PIG.

Sun Nien Fai Lok or Happy Chinese New Year!

February 18, 2007 will usher in the year of the Pig. It is Year 4,705 since the beginning of the Yellow Emperor’s reign, when this lunar calendar was first implemented.

Chinese New Year, also known as the Spring Festival is the main Chinese festival of the year and it is not a religious event. As the Chinese use the lunar calendar for their festivals the date of Chinese New Year changes from year to year. The date corresponds to the new moon (black moon) in either late January or February. Traditionally celebrations last for fifteen days, ending on the date of the full moon. In China the public holiday lasts for three days and this is the biggest celebration of the year. Chinese New Year Customs and Traditions...

If you were born in 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995 or 2007 you were born under the sign of the Pig. See some famous Pigs.

Rat	1900	1912	1924	1936	1948	1960	1972	1984	1996
Ox	1901	1913	1925	1936	1949	1961	1973	1985	1997
Tiger	1902	1914	1926	1938	1950	1962	1974	1986	1998
Rabbit	1903	1915	1927	1939	1951	1963	1975	1987	1999
Dragon	1904	1916	1928	1940	1952	1964	1976	1988	2000
Snake	1905	1917	1929	1941	1953	1965	1977	1989	2001
Horse	1906	1918	1930	1942	1954	1966	1978	1990	2002
Goat	1907	1919	1931	1943	1955	1967	1979	1991	2003
Monkey	1908	1920	1932	1944	1956	1968	1980	1992	2004
Rooster	1909	1921	1933	1945	1957	1969	1981	1993	2005
Dog	1910	1922	1934	1946	1958	1970	1982	1994	2006
Pig	1911	1923	1935	1947	1959	1971	1983	1995	2007

*Please note: The Chinese year ends on the first new moon of the following year. For those of you born in January and February please take care when determining your sign.

What's in Store for 2007?

A year of goodwill to all. An excellent climate for business, and industry in general will prevail. People will be more free and easy on the whole and the complaisant attitude of the Pig will generate a feeling of abundance. But in spite of the favorable auspices here, like the Pig we will hesitate, waver and undermine our own abilities when opportunity calls.

The Pig's year is one of plenty. La dolce vita is very much advocated and practiced by the sensual Pig. If life is worth living, it must be lived to the hilt. Such is his motto. The Pig is as lavish with gifts as he is with affection. He takes pride in being chivalrous and extravagant. It would be ill-advised to overspend this year or make sizable investments without thorough investigation. We may also come to regret impulsive acts of generosity made on the spur of the moment.

The fortunate Pig carries with him contentment and security. This is one year in which you could be happy without having or needing a lot of success or money to make it so. There will not seem to be many hurdles to overcome and the placid Pig radiates a sense of well-being. Still, a great deal of prudence is recommended in money matters, as the Pig is always susceptible to swindlers.

This year will find us entertaining a lot more than usual and getting ourselves involved in all sorts of charitable and social functions. We find it a lot easier to make friends in the Pig's tolerant and expansive atmosphere.

Watch out for excesses, though, as the Pig tends to overindulge himself in anything when given the opportunity. Weight watchers will have a tough time and may face losing (or rather, gaining) battles.

(excerpt from acufinder.com)

Happy Happy Moss!

2007-02-17T10:05:00.000-08:00

Yes yes there are lots of birthdays this month to celebrate!

Here we are honoring our dear Moss last night with the most incredible dinner at Uncle Nicks in Hell's Kitchen (my fave) and drinks in da neighborhood. Seriously, I love this man. He is the only person in my existance right now who truly understands what this year has meant to us both~

See Moss did the whole bi-coastal move himself this year, around the same time, and knows what this involves and how much of a physical and emotional undertaking this is.

So when I call him and say "Why does this feel XYZ " he says " OH honey, saddle up with a drink and lemme tell ya". So so so thankful that we have each other in this big bad city of ours!

I know this is gonna be a great year for you my dear. I am so thankful for our friendship.
Thanks for bringing out the crazy and and dirty and Jersey in me, Big Love Big Love

Happy Happy to my favorite Kitten

2007-02-16T09:32:00.000-08:00

My favorite Kitten celebrates another year this week! Happy Happy my dear!

I love this picture of us, it kinda says it all

Here we are enjoying some time with our favorite ladies, sharing a moment only we would understand with some conversation in some secret language that would only make sense to us! I love those moments with her, where I only have to give her a look across the room of a crowded party and it constitutes at least three different points we want each other to understand... love that!

For her birthday present she asked us to write down some of our special moments together or send some love her way. I didn't want to be a hoggy hog on her blawg, but on mine I can write whatever the frig I wanna:

*Our walks together at Bman when we were so hot and frustrated that we couldn't take it anymore and how we were trying to hard to be present and fun and light when all we wanted was a glass of iced tea and our men to rub out feet by the pool, BREATHE. Ok, is that too much to ask for? Oh, and build me a shade structure while your up...

*Escaping away from party x y or z to talk our pshycobabble talk that only we would use to completely validate why we were absolutely in the right of so said kindof situation, and why didn't they get that? Wasn't it completely obvious to no one but us?

* Our special dates on Fillmore street, Manhattan, the theater, the swanky restaurant, the cafe, just some time for us to just treat ourselves together away from the grind of saving the world with a single DSM 1v and a bus pass

* The time I actually made it over the bridge to Oakland to hang out. You had to have surgery to get me to do this, but I made it!!!!!

*She has this secret gift that manifests the most chocolately hot chocolate and the softest cashmere sweaters- usually on sale or down some secret magical ally that you never knew existed in your very own city

*She always always shows up with some sort of intoxicating baked good that she made from scratch and carried on Bart all throughout the day for you.

* Our marathon phone calls which fill me up and give me enough gas to keep me going and going and going

* Our East Coast Innuendos and how I don't have to explain Wampum or the value of being on to you

Ok so I just love you to pieces and hope you have the bestest birthday eva! I am so so so glad you were born! Big love big love

Oh and a very Happy Happy too to CC who turns 40! Geesh we are really grown ups now, arn't we ...

Five things you probably don't know about me

2007-02-09T21:47:00.000-08:00

five things you probably don't know about me

a.k.a. Confessions

I've been tagged by Katia Lucky JUJU to do a Meme

I have this weird inclination to do this
I'm just superstitious like that
Just like if you send me one of those stupid chain emails I have to do them too
So Please don't send me any chain emails
I don't mind meme's so much though
so here goes

1. I backed out of a three way with Matt Dillon and my really hot friend Sarah when I was living on Martha's Vinyard during college. It was right before his "Swingers" movie came out after a really long acting dry spell,, so he was a bit on the looser side, (even more so than now) but hey he was frikin "Dallas" on the Outsiders so how much of a looser could he be. Why you ask? He was "that boy" that my friend hung on her wall ripped from her Tiger Beat magazines. She fantasized one day about marrying him, her girlhood crush. (mine was River Phoenix RIP) I am sure her fantasies of being with him DID NOT include me in bed with them. PLUS he was a big pervert and he had a broken leg at the time, and that's not so fun in the bedroom. The next morning my friend thought I left that night even though I went to one of the bedrooms upstairs and I was stranded at his house with him in the middle of no where.

2. I left home at the age of sixteen. I wasn't getting along with my parents (my father and step mother) who were newly"reborn" Christians. I was in my black and goth stage, not a good mix. We moved out from the area I grew up in my senior year of high school to an area where my high school was across the street from cows. I was used to being in Manhattan every weekend with my friends and boyfriend, and felt completely like an alien in my new preppy high school. I took off and lived with my boyfriend my senior year, my Mom lived down the street so I could visit with her often and "play" like I lived with her to my high school for legal reasons, but I've been on my own ever since.

3. My Mom made me try out on Broadway for the musical "Annie". She was a total stage mom and I was in ballet, voice, and other various dance classes since the age of four. I was in singing competitions and plays and dance rehersals every week for most of my youth until I became a teenager. I tried out for "Annie" the year after Sarah Jessica Parker and I had no desire to be this red headed caricature. I did get a "call back" over thousands of other girls, but couldn't go for some reason. I think I got sick or somebody died or something. I remember being really relieved. But then my lunch lady who painted on her eye brows found out somehow and made me stand up in front of the ENTIRE lunch room and sing "Tomorrow". I have been tramatized ever since and to this day feel nauseas every time I've heard that song. I Never heard the end of it until I graduated High School. I still get teased by my brother and sister for this.

4. The first week I got my drivers license I got into an accident with a Mac truck. I had just bought my 1974 Chrysler Newport Special (army green with black leather interior) and offered to drop my friends off from school. I remember backing up onto the street, and because my car was the size of a hearse was having trouble getting back into my lane when the truck let off his brake and rolled right into me. It was in slo mo but it's a Mac truck so it messed us up. I almost bit my tounge off and my friend Anne (who had a huge bag of weed in her purse) got knocked up pretty bad. The police officer said if my car hadn't been so huge we would've been plastered. I didn't really drive much after that, haven't owned my own car again until this year. I went to college after that and then mostly in cities so I didn't need one, but I think it was really an excuse because I've been scared. Since I've been on the East Coast I am driving every day and feeling stronger and stronger about it. I still get scared sometimes though, especially next to trucks.

5. I have two fake teeth. I have a really small jaw (despite having such a big mouth) and whenI got braces my orthodontist had to pull them down from the top of my jaw, they never grew in. He pulled them down wrong and they didn't survive the trauma. I won't tell you which ones though, gotta keep em guessing some how....

Ok YOUR turn, I tag miboni, kitten, mamachronicles, tropic of virgo, and double tag Helen with Katia!

Happy Birfday Blawgggity Blawg

2007-02-07T05:52:00.000-08:00

Oh my, it's a year
(why do we mark time in years btw?, I am sure there is some reasonable answer for this...)

Yes it's been a year since I ate crow. I used to make fun of bloggers, and blogging. Even the name "blog", what in the world? "BLAWG BLAWG BLAWG" Jessafire would hear me moan. Then I read. Then I understood blawgging, stopped making fun of it and started using it~ inspired by my ladies, this incredible tool used
to express themselves to release themselves to share themselves

I give it up to Lucky JUJU, KOKOCHI and GRACEOPENHEART for pouring their lives out on screen, and inspiring me so to have this beautiful medium to indulge my own musings (and the two other blawgs that are still under the radar, they know who they are...)
(and the two after that that were birthed, they know who they are...)

I really don't even care who reads the joujoujolliejunket, as this has truly been for me to document one of the most life changing years I have pursued ever. A year ago seems like a lifetime ago. Truly.

But I do love that you read it. AndI love the way my friends can see what I am up to. Especially with all of the land in between us right now. In the past I have been a very private person, not really sharing so much of myself. Not because I had anything to hide but because truth be told I know what's going on with me, I am much more interested in what's going on with you. I don't necessarily need to share it for it to be true. But having the caliber of ladies in my life that I have had, they have taught me about reciprocity, and how to demand it from your relationships. This has sent me on a journey of sharing in which I am so rich because of . I want to share myself, my thoughts, my journeys. Truth be told, and I don't mean to "tooo", but I do have some interesting moments. At least I am entertained. If someone can learn something or enjoy them with me or have any insight or feed back, the more the better. Of course there are things I do not share, I do have some discretion, and this is mostly fed to my own private journal or other varieties of creativity in my life.

I am baffled by the amount of people who read this. Really I am flattered. From Finland to Greece, no kidding. Over 6,000 right now the stats tell me. I love that some people who I didn't even know I write whisper to me, "I read your blawg the other day"~ that they would even care to take a look. This also however includes some of my former beau's.... I have to be truthful that if they had one I would be super tempted to look as well, we always wonder. I've decided I am not going to censor myself anymore to protect them. I don't write about my love life a lot because of privacy issues, but also I am protecting myself and them because I know they still read ( I cannot tell you how I know but I do know this wink wink ). The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone but there are some beautiful and interesting things happening and I no longer want to censor myself. Ok? Ok.

I write because I can. I write because it helps me release. I write because when I look back a year from now I can go "oh yea, I worked on that", or "wasn't that a frikin blast". Blogging culture still weird, still self indulgent, still voyeuristic. But then again, we all need a little something something now and again. I would love to hear from you from time to time. Please feel free to comment. I want to know that you are there. I want to know how you are, what you think, what's going on. Who is out there? I want to know!

Blogblogblogblogblogblogblog that.

This is not my beautiful house , this is not my beautiful wife....

2007-02-02T06:38:00.000-08:00

Tuesday. My first real day of work.I narrowly escaped thirteen accidents on the NJ Parkway and 280, two hours in traffic and lands in Newark, and starts her new job, new life. Here we go again. Everyone is super wonderful, they really can't do enough for me. The benefits are great, they went beyond my expectations for salary, training is spectacular, and they will pay for my licensing. All is well, walking around the city, taking in the sites on my way to get my drug test (that's right...) and knowing, I can make this work. I can do this. I can do this work again. My new life, settling in. Having a Mary Tyler Moore moment with my scarf walking out of the prestigious state building, "I'm gonna make it afteralllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!"

Cut to XT checking her voice mail three seconds later" Hello, this is Sonya from Cornell University... we want to fly you to Ithaca for the Therapist job here, please call me back". This btw is my DREAM job, world renound cutting edge health center, the new college health care model in a very cozy progressive community at the Berkeley of the Ivy league schools. Shit. I just hung up my pictures on my wall in my bedroom. I finally changed my address form, making friends, dating, decorating, making my home here. I lost it. Crying hysterically under the full moon on my way home. I don't know why. I think it's because I am a tree living a birds life, ya know? Also, good tears, feeling like (and always have) this feels like a destiny thing, you know? There is so much going on. Ultimately I feel so grateful. Lots of opportunities. Meanwhile, I am surrounded by loved ones who are having doors closing, trying to be supportive of them. Part of me wants to just settle in, but I want to make sure it's the right thing. This to me means I feel it in my bones, ya know.

Cut to Thursday. Me sitting in traffic for two hours trying to get on the 280, praying that my gas tank won't be on empty while my bladder certainly is not. Praying for the traffic to move. Deep breathing, "everyone will merge, work together, keep moving". Dead stop, staring at all of the ugly industry around me, the bitter working slags on the way to their drab jobs. I am one of them now. What I swore I wouldn't do. I have been spoiled walking ten minutes to work for the past four years, through Alamo Square park, one of the most beautiful views in the world. Doing work I feel good about, with integrity. So no, not feeling the Newark thing in my bones. More of a buck up solider mentality. I am weird there. They make fun of me for eating salad and sitting with my legs crossed. Bringin my own coffee cup n shit. Reusing my plastic fork. They notice everything. Call me "crazysanfrancisco". They are tight Newark girls waiting for something to nab the white girl about. They have no idea who they are dealing with. Although I think they are starting to get it. One of them had pictures of a painted naked critical mass party, which is for us SFins just another friday in the city. The thing you could literally walk by and go "oh, neat" and keep on walking. For them the pictures were like someone had parted the Harlem River. Hrrmph.

My point:
as D and G say:
you make plans, and God laughs.